


Darkened Stars

by Aquspire



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: ALL characters are of age and within five years of each other, Age of Consent, Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Angst, Angst with a sort of happy ending, Established Keith/Lance (Voltron), Lance & Pidge | Katie Holt Friendship, M/M, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Lance (Voltron), Romance is not the main story line, Slow Burn, Zombie Apocalypse, character death will be major, like very slow, more than one character death, not really - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-06
Updated: 2017-03-06
Packaged: 2018-09-15 08:06:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 43,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9226004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aquspire/pseuds/Aquspire
Summary: "Hey.. We're going get through this, and then everything will be okay again.. I promise.."





	1. When it started

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Entry 1
> 
> Why I decided to get this journal is way beyond me, but I guess it'll be fine. We're headed to the bar for a few drinks to celebrate graduation before we all go our separate ways for the summer. The sirens outside have been nonstop, but it's a Friday so it's probably just noise complaints of rowdy night owls throwing parties. I don't now how often I'll use this, but I guess it'll be cool to look back on how I was today when i decide to pick it up next. Anyways, I gotta go or I'll be late.

**Summer**

 

The day the world corrupted was when summer break first started. Shiro just graduated and we were all out at the bar celebrating with a few drinks. An odd number of sirens echoed through the streets, but none of us really noticed. I tipped back my blue baseball hat so the bill was on the back of my head. And with the buzz of the drinks, the temperature of the room felt like it was raising. I unzipped my jacket, leaning back in my bar stool. Today had been relatively nice, granted it was cloudy and kind of gross outside, but the team was still bustling. Summer break was finally here, and we were spending the first week of it with each other before we went our separate ways for a while to see family. Keith would be going with Shiro to Japan for a little while to travel, just because they can. Keiths treat to Shiro for graduating. Hunk would be going to visit his family in Hawaii. Pidge and Matt staying here with their mom and dad. Along with Allura and Coran who'll stay, having no family to visit. And I'll be headed to Cuba for a family reunion. Our group's from all over, but I guess that's a lot of peoples situations if they're attending VU. It's one of the best colleges in the world, and I'm proud to say I'm an exchange student. Allura was an exchange student too, but after a tragedy and the loss of her father shortly after she graduated a year ago, she moved back here with her uncle Coran, where they opened the bar we sit in now.

 

More sirens blared as ambulances sped down the streets, and I'd only just now noticed the great number of them. Only now they were being joined by S.W.A.T trucks, the police, and firefighters. I set my drink down on the granite counter top, my suddenly serious face making the others calm their laughing to look over at me as I nodded to Coran. "Hey Coran, can you turn on the news?"

 

  
"Sure thing my boy! Matt where'd you put the remote lad?"

 

  
Matt waved off the other and set down the cup he was polishing to change the station on the TV above the bar. Sure enough there it was. The whole pub got quiet as all of the TV's changed to the channel, this appearing to be an alert. A man spoke on the screen different from our own normal one, a finger pressed to his ear to keep the ear bud in.

 

"-everal dead and more quickly adding on. Those that were injured have been taken into quarantine, but the hospital soon over flowed and is now in code black. Some from quarantine have escaped and the numbers of the infected have risen from tens to hundreds, and are now quickly approaching thousands. It is mandatory you stay indoors on complete lock down. If you have attained any injury from an infected being, it is important to get to the nearest hospital. Evacuation may be put into effect so please prepare to take onl-"

 

Shrieks were heard through the gun shots, and a few of what were called "the infected" pounced on the reporter, and they either got to the camera man as well, or he just dropped everything an ran. The scene cut off as the infected ripped into the reporter and was instead left with a fuzzy screen saying "We will return shortly". I felt my blood run cold, the buzz from earlier far forgotten as I turned to face the others in my group who looked as sickly as I felt. The others in the pub were screaming and rushing the doors, trying frantically to leave. I felt by chest tighten as I began to panic as well, but Shiro being practiced in this field as he'd gone into college shortly after being in the army, grabbed hold of my shoulders and forced me to look him in the eyes. His voice wavering as well despite the authoritative route he's trying to take. "Lance, breathe. We can't have you freaking out right now. Everybody calm down."

 

He stepped back from me and looked over everyone in our group, And when I saw Hunk start panicking as well I made my way over to him, being knocked into by a few strangers rushing to the exit. I sat by him and Keith as Matt pulled Pidge into a hug, the older boy running his hands through the girls hair as an attempt to calm her. Shiro placed his hands on the table, and just as he was about to speak up about what we could do, screeching was heard and people started backing away from the exit as an infected rushed someone, knocking them to the ground. Shortly after an explosion followed as a car ran into the bank across the street, infected piling the vehicle in an attempt to get who was inside. Coran kicked in the glass under the bar counter, tossing Shiro a revolver and keeping a shot gun to himself. And before we could protest, the New Zealand man was leading us through the back into an alley. The shrill screams of the infected so, so much louder out here.

 

Shiro seemed to be confused as to how to use the revolver handed to him, and while he was busy looking down at the weapon an infected woman pounced on Allura as we ran, and Coran was too busy loading bullets into his shot gun to help. I pried the gun from Shiro's hands and with an ease i didn't know I had, fired and hit the infected in the back of the head, listing to it click strangely and convulse as it died. Coran helped Allura up and kept running, looking back to make sure we were all following. Shiro ran next to me, carrying Pidge who had fallen dude to her previous buzz and hurt her knee. He looked at me in confusion, following the others through the alley way. "How the hell did you do that? I've never seen you use a gun."

 

"Dunno, it just kind of clicked. And you were taking too lon- KEITH! LEFT!"

 

Keith reacted instantly, using the infected's momentum against it as it pounced to force it to the ground where Coran fired. Hunk covered his mouth as we kept running, tears running own his face. Everyone was reacting differently. Pidge and Matt looked broken and confused. Shiro seemed to be connecting this to his time in the army, so he seemed to be kicking into auto pilot. Allura and Coran looked like they weren't even paying attention to their surroundings, just acting when something needed to be acted on. Hunk was terrified, sobbing as he ran, and trying not too look at the bodies we ran by. Keith seemed dazed and angry. But angry in a way like he was cursing the heavens for this happening. And I was surprisingly numb. I felt like I was in a video game, constantly worrying about the last life I had. The mad dash for survival was right here, and if I lost now, I wasn't too worried. Because I would just start at the beginning of the level and try again.

 

Hunk shouted over the various noises, saying the question everyone else was thinking. "Where do we go? And what do we do when we get there?" We ran past some gates and I closed them behind us. Rule number one, never leave doors open. Once we were out of the maze of the alley, we found ourselves on a back road that was significantly less crowded, it was just us as we finally got a chance to stop running and walk. Matt rose his voice first, taking Pidge from Shiro to help her stand. "Our mom and dad have a house not far from here. It's a farm so we should be far away from the insanity. And have time to get plan sorted out." We had all simultaneously agreed and began walking, but every door we approached, or alley entrance we passed, I grew fearful as I pointed my gun down the turns to fire at any impending threat. I'm running on four bullets left, maybe a body we pass has some ammo so I can restock.

 

The only thing that snapped me out of my video game state was seeing a pile of infected scramble around the writhing body of a young man in an alley, ignoring his screams and our group as we passed while they fed. Keith grabbed my wrist and forced me to keep walking and to divert my eyes from the scene. Seeing that mans eyes roll back into his head and limbs go limp, I finally realized this wasn't a video game or a fucked up movie.

 

We're all on our first and last life. And the apocalypse was much, much scarier than the movies make them seem.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'll be updating every Friday, and maybe if I'm able there'll be more updates throughout the weeks.  
> Find me on [Tumblr](http://shiros-snapchat.tumblr.com/) and we can scream about voltron together
> 
> It's my first fic so I'm trying my best to please!  
> As always feel free to comment and point anything out that needs fixing!


	2. We just wanted a laugh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Entry 2
> 
> Hey look who's back! It's Lance, did ya miss me? We headed out to the mall today, and since everyone's been looking especially stressed, I guess I could try something to make them a little happier. It's been two years or so since my last entry, but I think I'm going to try using this more. Shiro said it'd help, so now everyone in our group is going to copy me and use their journals they found in an office supply store in the east wing of the mall. We cleared the mall out though, mostly at least. Wish me luck.

On that day we made it to Pidge and Matt's house with their parents. Samuel had gone to sleep when we had all arrived, complaining of a migraine from work. It had been a very tense night, but despite it all we managed to fall asleep in the living room together, however I decided to take the job as look out. Peering out of the window, all I could see of the city was ruins. Thick black smoke raising in plumes towards the darkening sky. The faint screams we once heard in the distance have faded massively, and I can only think of two things. The people that made it out of the city to somewhere safer, and of the people that didn't. Like that family's house that lit on fire just outside of the city limits, their burning corpses lying on the grass. Or the man I shot in the alley, a man that used to be alive. Like, with a consciousness. Real thought to be able to tell that what he was doing was wrong. But the one that hurt me the most was the little girl being ripped from a car window by infected. I won't go any further on that though. You can guess what happened next.

My thoughts were interrupted however by low groaning, and I cocked my revolver, standing up from my spot by the window and walking in the direction of the sound. Yeah I know I'm pulling one of the classic horror movie stunts. 'Never go towards the bad sounds' kinda deal. And honestly I wouldn't have, I'd of hightailed it out of there as soon as I heard it. But I had friends here. People I considered family. My home away from home. I couldn't just leave them vulnerable while they slept. The groan repeated itself, along with a bang, like something fell to the floor. I now knew the exact area of the voice, and I carefully made my way up the stairs after making sure the doors downstairs were locked. Coughing accompanied the groans and when I made it to the top of the stairs, I froze in my tracks. Samuel, Pidge's father, stood in the hallway by the bathroom door. He was slouched over, and at occasional moments he would twitch. The bang had been a desk top clock that was knocked over.

I was stuck, breath hitching as I looked at Samuel. I knew he was infected, I'm not that oblivious. But before when I saw an infected, I only saw the monster. I think about the family they could have had after they're dead. But now, I know this man. I know he has a family, he has friends. I'm apart of that group of friends. Samuel is a good man, maybe there's some way to talk to him and to magically lift the infection so we can all live happily ever after. I chewed on the inside of my cheek and let myself take a deep breath before approaching Samuel with caution, gun readied with one hand while I stretched the other towards the man in front of me. My heart felt like it was about to beat out of my chest, and just as I was about to tap Samuel's shoulder I heard someone stop behind me at the top of the stairs. I freeze, eyes locking onto Samuel to make sure he didn't hear the other footsteps before I turned around slowly. It was Hunk.

A weight lifted off of my shoulders in an instant because I wasn't alone with Samuel anymore. I could have a second opinion. However when I took a step towards Hunk to speak with him, I ended up stepping on the clock that was knocked over, cracking the glass. The reaction was in the blink of an eye. The groaning behind me turned into gurgled screams and suddenly a body was over mine, scrambling to get to the bigger source of food.

Hunk

The impact forced me face first into the ground, and the shock of the fall knocked the gun from my hand. When Samuel, if this thing could still be called that, rose off of me, he bolted towards Hunk, startling the man to yell in panic and wake up the others downstairs It was in this moment the world slowed down, time felt like it stopped. I couldn't move to help Hunk. My head was throbbing too bad from impact with the ground to do anything about the situation. I heard feet bounding up the stairs, but it all sounded like I was under water. Everything was so distant. But as quickly as it started, it was over, and the gunshot that sounded resonated through the house. The throbbing in my head subsided slightly and I scrambled to stand up, and I reached a hand out to Hunk to pull him back up onto his feet and into a hug. Only now did I realize the fast pace of my breathing, and I tried my best to calm my rapid heart beat. When I looked around, most everyone was upstairs, save for Allura and Coran downstairs keeping watch. I saw the smoking tip of the shotgun, and I followed the length of the weapon to it's holder.

Pidge lowered the gun, thick streams of tears running down her face as Matt took her into a strong hug. She dropped the gun and placed her hands to her mouth to try and stifle her wailing. All I could do was watch as a family fell apart. Mrs. Holt rushed to Samuel's side screaming while Pidge remained in Matt's arms. Shiro and Keith looked at Hunk and I, Keith being the first to speak up. "What the hell were you doing? He was infected and you tried to grab him!?"

"I was just trying to see if I could get through to him! I couldn't just fucking shoot! He could have been okay-"

"Well he wasn't and you almost got yourself and Hunk killed."

"It was still Samuel, Keith!"

"But he was infected, Lance!"

"Maybe I'm not you! I can't just hurt people!"

"What are you trying to sa-"

"Enough!" Shiro spoke up then, placing his hands between Keith and I to keep us apart before he continued. "We're all angry, we're all scared, but we have to get through this. We leave now. That gunshot had to be heard by other infected, it's not safe here anymore. Take what you can carry and only what's important. Understood?" We all just nodded, Matt and Pidge helping their mother off the floor to get ready. The rest of that day is all a blur. That week really. But we've made it until now.

\---

Now being two or so years later. When we left the Holt's house, Mrs. Holt stayed behind to bury Samuel and she said she'd catch up with us. Two years later and she never showed up. It's been a rough two years to put it lightly, we gained some people, lost some. Been betrayed, been the betrayers, because we can't always be the good guys in the kind of world we live in now. And over time, we realized the survivors are the scariest part of the apocalypse. Because with the infected we know how to deal with them. Runners are recently infected, so touching them is okay. So hand to hand combat is a good way of taking them out. Clickers are blind, but they use their echo location to find its prey, and can hear just about anything. But they've been infected for a long while, so if we touch them we can get infected. Hand to hand combat isn't advised and it's easier to sneak up on them and kill them quick with a melee weapon. Stalkers are also the more recently infected, but unlike runners, clickers, and bloaters, they have some form of mind. And once your spotted they can formulate a plan to get to you. But they're still pretty fucked up in the head, so we handle them the same way as runners when they're not in packs. Bloaters are probably the hardest to deal with out of all of them. They're basically clickers that have been around for a long while. They're also blind, but they're echo location is insanely good. When you're spotted you can't get out of their sights. Bloaters are brutishly strong, and being much older than usual clickers, you can't touch them at all. The bloater itself is a main source of spores and if you breathe any in, you have a high chance of getting infected.

The survivors on the other hand, have minds. We've all been driven to the brink of madness, and with that you let yourself do some crazy shit. Some people can bounce back, still have the sanity to understand that they need to calm down. Others aren't so lucky. They go insane when they think too hard. About the people the infected used to be. The corrupted people they killed. We've come to understand that the people the infected used to be aren't there anymore. Their souls don't exist anymore once they succumb to the infection. It's just a mindless monster that's taken over the body. A virus that can't be stopped.

We almost lost Shiro that way. He was bit on the wrist while he was holding a door closed. Or trying to at least. Luckily it was by a runner so the virus wasn't as strong as it would have been with a clicker or bloater. Keith acted instantly, he used his hatchet to cut the arm off so the disease didn't spread. We made it to a mostly cleared out city with a work shop where Hunk and Pidge made him an arm. He had gotten sick after he was bitten, horribly so. Shiro locked himself in a hotel room to deal with the pain alone. We all feared the worst, but we stayed with him just outside the door through it all. That was two seasons ago, and it's safe to say Shiro didn't fall victim. There wasn't enough of the infection to make him turn, but he says he damn well wished he had. The pain was indescribable.

Now we're headed towards a mall, one we know is cleared because we were the ones who spent weeks clearing it of infected. There are still ass loads in the basement, where a generator is that we desperately need. But when I was sent down with Pidge to scope it out, we found that the whole vicinity was filled with bloaters, the occasional clicker or two, but mostly the former. We were in need of a generator, but not desperate enough to risk peoples lives to get it.

I was separated with Keith, Coran, and Pidge to search for supplies in the northern and western areas of the mall, while Allura, Hunk, Shiro, and Matt rummaged through what we may have missed in the southern and eastern parts. But this area was pretty dull, nothing but furniture stores and a sports shop. We did however find a shop that had clothes in abundance. No one else really treads into a mall now-a-days for obvious reasons. Granted there are still a few runners that'll wander in, or some survivors. But neither are hard to take care of when you have a good vantage point. I flinch at my own thoughts, shaking my head to dismiss the thoughts and looking over some jeans with Keith. It's insane how much these two years have numbed me to killing. But threats are threats.

It's not that we kill for the fun of it, we've taken in more than a few survivors. And sometimes we were the ones taken in. No shame in that. Not everyone's perfect. But if they follow certain first sight guidelines, then we know who to worry about, and who not to.

While Pidge and Coran separated into another part of the shopping center we were in to look for food and medical supplies, Keith and I looked around for clothes for everyone. A new full outfit. I wrapped my way around the jean rack to meet up with Keith, holding up two pairs of jeans I found. It's not an ideal conversation starter, but I guess it's enough. "Hey Keith, there aren't any womens jeans that would fit Allura over here height wise, but I found some from the mens section that should work. You think she'll care?"

"We're in the apocalypse, Lance. What do you think?" Keith deadpanned and I stuck my tongue out at him, taking the tighter fitting ones just in case. Besides, no one want's baggy clothing now. It's just more for the infected to grab at. With everyone elses jeans chosen, I finally looked into my own. Keith was picky as all hell with his jeans, but we found some after some bickering. I glanced over my shoulder at him while he sorted through shirts, he looked tense. Well, more so than normal. We're all tense. "You feelin' alright man?"

Keith jumped slightly, and I couldn't help but turn fully to him, looking at the tag of the pale grey jeans in my hands. "Yeah I'm- I'm good. I'm just worried. The noises from earlier didn't sound really far off."

"Well we are in a mall. It could have just been an echo from far off. You closed the basement door right?"

"No shit, I'm not risking those fuckers getting out."

"Then we're good. No need to worry. We can handle a few runners. I've got plenty of ammo, and your machete isn't going blunt any time soon."

Keith just hummed and picked out the last shirt needed. If modification was needed for anything, I was good at sewing. I learned to when I was with my family in Cuba. With all of my siblings tearing holes in their clothes, someone had to know how to do it. Keith turned towards me as I stuffed the last pair of pants into the duffel bag and we walked next to each other towards the mall map, pointing to a box at the opposite end of the mall.

"Alright, Pidge and Coran headed that way to meet up with the others, but on account that there's a Spencers just a few stores away from them, I think we should go there."

"And why is that?"

I shrugged, already walking to the southern wing of the mall. "Last time I went in a Spencers they had a baseball hat with a stuffed dick on the bill. It's mandatory I get that." Keith only rose an eyebrow at me and rolled his eyes, following close behind me with his machete at the ready. "Do whatever you have to to make yourself feel better."

"I figured it'd make a good hood ornament for when Hunk fixes the truck. So whenever we hit a runner or something it'd be hilarious. Death by a two foot stuffed shlong!"

"Real mature."

"Whatever, you're just no fun. Hunk would'a laughed." The rest of the walk went on in silence, Keith keeping watch in case someone or something came up behind us while I approached Spencers. The metal door was down a lot of the way, but there was a small crack left. I knelt down to look through the crack, not seeing any feet on the other side. No infected. I stood up with a grin, motioning Keith to help me with the door. He huffed out a sigh and looked around one last time before sheathing his machete and kneeling down with me, hoisting the heavy metal door up with a grunt. It was rather noisy, but hey the team will know where we are. I bent backwards a bit to pop my back before raising a hand up to Keith, a grin wide on my face. "Team work!" To which Keith just shook his head and turned away from me, keeping watch once again.

"Whatever," I high fived myself as I walked into the shop, muttering as I rummaged through everything. I spoke in a purposefully obnoxious tone just loud enough for Keith to hear as I had a pep talk with myself. "Wow Lance you did great! Oh really you think so? Well I think you did pretty awesome yourself, Lance's conscience. Aw thanks! Yeah! You're so much better than Keith." I deepened my voice a few octaves at his name, turning to stick my tongue out at him while he pinched the bridge of his nose. "Why am I dating you again?"

"Because you love my honesty and sense of adventure." Keith and I have been in a relationship for six seasons. So a year and a half. We made a deal early on that it wouldn't affect anything while we were working on stuff like scavenging. But when we get home at the end of the day or have time to relax, I can safely say we indulge in each other quite a lot. The others know, and often didn't pair us together for scouting missions when they found out due to fear we'd be too busy sucking faces to see a clicker strolling around. But after a while we proved our maturity over the ordeal and let us pair up. I rolled my eyes and frowned when I saw the hat wasn't anywhere to be seen on the shelves, but their boxes were in the recycling by the front counter. Maybe they're in storage. I refuse to leave without that hat. It's immature, yes. I have enough sense to know that, but it might make someone laugh. We all need one that's for damned sure. I found a key to the storage room on the front desk and made my way back towards the front to tell Keith where I was going, only to see Shiro and the others all with him. "Uh, hey guys. How'd you find us?"

Coran piped up first, twirling his mustache. "We heard the metal door and decided to come check it out." Shiro butted in next, shrugging his shoulders. "Yeah we weren't finding anything important anyways. When we heard it we thought it might be other survivors but then we saw Keith out front and figured everything was okay."

"Gotcha. Well hey, I'm headed into the storage closet, I'll be back in a sec. Flashlight?"

Keith nodded and unzipped my back pack for me, taking my flashlight out and handing it to me before zipping it back up. "Be careful, please. Are you sure you don't need me to go with you?"

"No I'll be good. It's nothing like the basement. Just a small storage room. Like a closet or something. You'll be able to hear me if something goes wrong." And with that I tipped my beat up baseball cap at the crew and headed back, letting them converse. I unlocked the door and I turned on my flashlight, locking it into place on top of my revolver while I made my way into the storage room.

I used to be terrified of the dark, and with the whole apocalypse thing going on, you'd think it'd make the fear worse right? Honestly, I feel a lot safer in the dark than I do in the light, and yeah I know that sounds a lot like something Keith would say, but it's true. If the enemy can't see me, I'm safe. And being in the dark makes that so much easier. But at the same time, the things that scare me aren't the infected I can see. It's the infected I can't see. Being in the dark is a two way street. They can't see me, but I can't see them either.

I shone my light on the shelves, and after a bit of rummaging I found the hat I was looking for. I did a little happy jig before silently waltzing my way back out into the shop, swapping my baseball cap out for the new item. I entered the shop again with a wide smirk, waggling my eyebrows and nodding my head to make the stuffed appendage on my hat bounce. "Look what IIIII foooound!"

When they turned around to face me, most had a face of irritation, but Pidge and Hunk had my back and ended up pursing their lips together to stop the onslaught of laughter. However, when one fell, so did the other. Hunk ended up laughing first, and Pidge followed, still trying her hardest to remain composed.

But in the end, all good things must come to an end. Shiro had his eyes fixed on me disapprovingly, and I took the hat off and placed it on Shiro's head before skipping away to close the storage room door. "See Keith? Told you someone would lau- Fu CK!!"

A clicker that had probably been hiding in the darkest parts of the closet had stumbled out, flailing it's clawed hands around wildly until it felt a warm limb and grabbed on for all it was worth, sinking it's claws into my arm while it shrieked. It pulled my arm in closer while the rest of the team acted, Keith being to only one ready with his weapon out and ready. He slammed the blade into it's skull a few times, only stopping when the clicks stopped and it's corpse lied twitching on the ground before it went still. I stumbled back, rolling my sleeves down before running my hands through my hair as I took in shaky, rapid breaths.

Hunk was the first one on me, seeing the blood soaking through my shirt from my arm and meeting my eyes with fear. "Lance, buddy, you okay?"

I shook my head, waving my hand dismissively. "Yeah, don't worry about it. It's not bad." The group shared looks among themselves but nodded, Allura speaking up to everyone. "We should change into the clothes you and Keith found. It's no use wasting bag space with new clothes when we could just change now."

We all agreed and Keith and I passed out the clothes to their new owners, along with new socks and boots. I stepped away from the group to change, and Keith followed me, placing a hand to my shoulder and turning me slightly to look at him, worry evident in his eyes. "You're sure you're okay, babe?.."

I play it off with a swat to his chest, taking off my shoes and socks before standing up straight again. "Psh, dude I'm better than ever. Just a bit spooked. But come on, look at how well these jeans show off my ass. My thighs look A+." I turned around to flaunt my backside, making irritating kissy faces while Keith just rolled his eyes and shoved me before he began changing too. My false sense of happiness faded as I stripped my shirt off, quickly replacing it with my new long sleeve so the team didn't grow too suspicious of the marks on my forearm.

Today was another rough day


	3. Stop it in time, please

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Entry 3
> 
> All I can say is I fucked up..

 

Once we were all changed into our new clothes, the group began filling the duffel bag with canned foods we found. Today was quite the bounty surprisingly, we found a good two months worth of various Campbells soups. And as we began making our way back to our base to stock up, I kept in the far back. If it isn't obvious already, I was bit back in that Spencers store, and now all I can think about is how different it is between me and Shiro. When he was bit, his side effects didn't come in until two days later. It's been, what, twenty minutes? And I'm already worse.

I can see the skin under my sleeve turning a sickly green and yellow, the veins starting to rise and pulse with an ever deepening purple. Everything felt hot, and my ears started ringing about five minutes ago because everything is just so  _loud._ The sound of my footsteps on the concrete sounds like the low rumble of thunder, and it takes everything in my not to plug my ears. But that wouldn't help anyways wither, my heart beat is deafening and I wonder if anyone else can hear it.

"Lance?"

I look up and see most of the team turn around, and I only now realized I had stopped walking. Shiro was the one who spoke as he approached me, setting a hand on my shoulder and meeting my eyes.

His hand felt like fire.

"Lance, are you okay?"

I nodded and sucked in a strangled breath, feeling my chest tighten so it restricted me from getting a full breath, and more of a wheeze. "Yeah I'm- I'm good. Tired."

Shiro placed the back of his hand against my forehead and after a moment, drew away with a worried look. "You're burning up, are you sure it didn't-"

_"I'm fine."_

He stared at me for a moment before nodding and headed back to the front of the group, everyone else giving me worried stares. I won't let them ask if I've been bitten, because if they get that far into the sentence, I'd be lying if I said I was fine. I say I'm fine because I'm strangely at peace with this. It's a numbing process, like I can't feel the pain of the bite under my sweater, but I can feel the throb that's telling me it  _should_ hurt. 

Keith stood next to me as we began walking again, and I felt the pressure of his hand reaching into my pocket. I could feel his hard gaze on the side of my face as he spoke.

"When we get back to the base, I want you to eat and then get some sleep. I'll take your night shift, okay?"

"What? No you need to sleep too-"

"You need it more. Besides, I'll still be able to sleep, I don't have any shifts tonight so it'll be like normal."

I sighed deeply, rubbing the wound through my sleeve. There were more rises in the skin, and I couldn't help but cringe inwardly. It was starting to bubble around the bite. I didn't think too much on it, though. This is very likely my last day, and I didn't want to spend it moping. 

My good arm linked with Keiths, and he responded by taking his hand out of my pocket and twining our fingers together. The left side of me wasn't numb yet, so I could feel the heat coming off of his hands. It was nice, but a feeling that was fading fast.

I felt hungry. Now I knew it was too late to stop it, because that hunger didn't want normal food. It was a dull ache in my head, a new voice telling me that there's a clean pulse next to me, ripe for the picking. And seven more in the area. I felt safe though in a way, because I still had the consciousness to tell me those thoughts were wrong.

"Alright, you can take my shift."

_But be back soon. I don't want to be alone._

* * *

  

We made it to our base eventually. It wasn't really a house, more of a small apartment complex. One only we had the keys to. Each of us had our own studio apartment, but I'd moved in with Keith into one of the bigger apartments. Now, you have to remember, we're in the apocalypse. It sounds nice to be living here, but I'm leaving out key factors here. There's severe water damage on the top floors, we're pretty sure there's a bloater trapped in the janitors closet, our generator is broken, we have no running water, we rely on light from flashlights and candles, the walls on the outside have vines and moss covering most of the building and it's decaying the wood, etc, etc. 

But there's a lot of bright sides too! We used the small grassy area in the middle of the small complex to make a rather large garden that's doing well, we managed to set up an electric fence around the perimeter so infected can't get in, but we can. Barbed wire on top of the fence in case the electricity died, which it did now that our generator is gone, so we're thankful we took precautions. We found horses in an abandoned farm and took them back here, and used spare wood from other unused apartments to make stalls for them in the small field by the garden. We're by an old zoo, so every now and then there'll be an animal from it walking around.

At one point there was a pride of lions that made their way through the field before we set up the fence, and they ended up staying for a while. There was one alpha male, two females, and three younger brothers. They fed mainly on the monkeys that made their way through, and some gazelles that were eating our crops, so we decided to keep them around instead of running them off. They're not too far, and every now and then you see my favorite one Blue walking around the perimeter. They're all actually surprisingly kind, save for Red who's a bit temperamental. They're just big house cats. Blue and Red are the younger brother males, Yellow and Green are the females, and Black is the head of the pride. And he's normally really calm, Black. Really soft too, especially his mane. But Blue's my favorite, and I think I'm his favorite too. It's better to be optimistic in the apocalypse I found. In the movies, books, or games said to think of the worst possible thing that could happen, and it'll be better, it's wrong. So,  _so,_ _wrong._

Because it ends up blowing up in your face and being the exact thing that happens, or something worse entirely takes it's place.

The day Shiro got bitten, we thought that was it. In an effort to save him, he lost his arm, got horribly sick, and all we could do was hope and hope he lived through it. We'd wanted to kill him to put him out of his misery, but none of us could do it. A short while later he ended up okay, but it was still far worse than we'd thought would have happened. The pain of thinking you had to kill someone. Seeing that person suffer and not being able to do anything about it. Listening to their groaning, and screaming, ans crying out for help. To end this. To kill them. Set them free.

I sighed and made my way through the complex and into the dining area. It was also filling with moss, through the windows and cracks of the ceiling, but it was still good. Going down the stairs was a mighty effort to stay upright, clinging to the weak railing as I made my way down. I wasn't hungry, at least not in the normal way, but I longed for the taste of a good meal that didn't consist of human flesh.

The pain in my arm was steadily growing, overriding the numbness that's succumbed my body. Same with my head, chest, and rapid heart beat. While I was laying down in my room watching the lions from my window roll around in the tall grass, and the horses walk around in their stalls, all I could hear was my heartbeat in my ears. It was erratic, skipping beats a lot, speeding up and slowing down at random points. I had dared looking at the bite, and I felt something inside me break.

It was bubbling around the wound and the dark veins were winding up my arm like vines. Vines I would soon be trapped by.

Hunk and Coran had outdone themselves tonight, making soup for everyone including some fruit salad and vegetables from the garden. Normally, I would have dove in like everyone else did around me, but I just sat and stared at the plate before me, poking and prodding it. 

Hunk had seen this and elbowed Pidge, motioning with his spoon to look. Pidge obliged and looked up from her food over her glasses, seeing the same strange behavior. And soon enough everyone had caught on and the clatter of spoons in bowls dwindled down to nothing. Only the sound of wind in the grass outside. 

I looked up from the food after I found it to be too much to ignore all eyes on me, and I swept my vision over everyone from left of me, to right. Hunk, Pidge, Matt, Shiro, Coran, Allura, Keith, and me. My gaze went back down to my plate when I got through the line, then down to my arm. 

"So.. You know how we came to the idea that all infected are mindless? Like.. They don't actually have any good consciousness.. That the person that they once were just.. Doesn't exist anymore?.."

I didn't look up when I spoke, and hearing my voice sound so different already made me shiver. I was breaking slowly from the inside out. Every beat of my heart burned so, so bad. 

I never thought I'd miss being numb.

Keith rested his hand on my knee, and I could see him lean forward to meet my gaze.

Everyone thinks he's a jerk, through and through. No kindness in him whatsoever. No humor, nothing. But in reality if you can handle him at his worst, he's one of the best people you can ever meet. I'm so glad he's mine.

At least until  _I_ don't exist.

Until I'm just a soulless body.

"Lance, where's this coming from?.."

Matt spoke next, setting his spoon in the bowl as he leaned his elbows on the table.

"Is this because of the infected at the mall?"

Oh, a guessing game. Not now, but I guess that's a better way to get it out instead of saying 'Hey sorry I know it's a  _big_ inconvenience and whatever but I was bit at the mall haha'. Let them figure it out on the own. For now, I waned my question answered.

Hunk got the memo, and he nodded, then remembered I wasn't looking and spoke up.

"Yeah, we do."

I sucked in as deep of a breath as I could manage with the ever growing tightness in my chest, looking up to see everyone.

"Do you guys really think that's true?.. That there's no one left?.. Like, there's n-no one in there fighting to keep conscious.. What if they're all fighting like Shiro did? That some piece of them, just, fuck  _something_ is fighting to stay conscious?"

I'd started crying, but the burn that should be in my eyes didn't exist. I was numb to everything but the effects of the infection that quickly spread through me. At this point I knew I wouldn't get an answer to that question, we'd agreed not to talk about it anymore. But the question came back, from Allura this time.

"Is this because we killed the infected in the mall today?" 

I shook my head. It's time.

My heart felt like there was a hand around it, squeezing it to the point I felt I shouldn't be awake. They're going to find out, and then they're going to kill me.

At least I'm around loved ones.

Coran spoke next, and the hand on my knee that I forgot about squeezed lightly to try and soothe me.

"Is it because of your family?"

Good guess Coran, but no. We found out over the radio a while ago that Cuba's completely in ruins. So it was a strong implication his family was gone. Became food, or the ones that hunted for it. At least before the mutation spread from one infected to another. I shook my head again, and Shiro was the one getting closer to the answer.

"Lance, did this or did this not happen because of the infected today in the mall?"

I held my breath and nodded slowly. You could practically see the gears turning in their heads. Keith caught on instantly. I know because his breath caught in his throat, I heard the hitch. Hunk was the one that dropped the bomb.

"Were you bit?.."

I didn't nod, but I didn't shake my head either. My eyes rose up to meet Hunk's gaze, and that seemed to tell it all because everyone's eyes went wide. Some looking at me and only now seeing the difference in my paling skin, yellowing eyes, and the off tone skin peeking out from under the sleeve of my jacket. 

"How long ago? How long since you'e been bitten?" Keith looked at me frantically, eyes searching my own to try and see into me for the answer before I spoke.

"Since the Spencers store.."

There was a collective silence before Shiro stood up and made his way behind his chair, eyes fearful. "Where is it?"

Was he mad at me? He looked scared. Scared of me or scared of what I'll become? 

"Shiro I-"

_"Let me see it, Lance"_

I nodded and hesitantly pulled back my sleeve, showing the bite. Keith recoiled with a desperate whine, the hand that was once on my knee covering his mouth. Most everyone had the same reaction, but Shiro was the only one that looked away from the wound after muttering a breathless "Oh my god". Hunk had tears in his eyes, but was silent with his reaction. Allura, Pidge, and Keith were the loud criers, hands over their mouths as they sobbed openly. But the question still stood in my brain, just screaming to be spoken.

"Are you guys going to kill me?"

_"Of course not!"_

The few that spoke had said it unanimously, and I felt a weight lift off of my shoulders, but only to be replaced with a new one. 

"Then what are you going to do with me?"

That didn't get an answer, only murmuring among the others. 

_"Should we really kill him?"_

_"No, god no don't even bring that up as an option."_

_"He'll just end up like the other infected, it's too late to stop it."_

_"You don't know that Allura. Maybe he'll end up like Shiro"_

_"Wait, can't we do what you did with me?"_

_"Keep him trapped in a room? He'll just fill it with spores and infect all of us"_

_"Not if we do it right."_

_"Shiro, I think I have a plan."_

Shiro and Keith left the room to stand in the hallway, I could see them occasionally glance over at me. I felt like a bug under a microscope, and I ended up wobbling over to the stairs to sit at the bottom, hugging myself tightly until Hunk came over and held me. Telling me it was all going to be okay.

I didn't believe him.

He did this until Keith and Shiro came back in and discussed their plan, granted it was the same as what happened with Shiro, but with a few extra precautions.

I'd be locked in a studio apartment on the other side of the complex, and the door would be boarded up heavily, and same for any windows. There's be a towel placed under the door so air could get in, but spores released by infected wouldn't be let out. Then a routine would be made, ask the same question nightly through the door and see if I can respond with the right answer. Anything further than that would be thought out while I was in the room.

I noticed Shiro looking at me about as often as Keith did, and the two shared knowing looks with each other. Maybe they knew something he didn't? I couldn't think too hard on it, that hunger inside kept growing. I cleared my throat, and everyone turned to look at me, Hunk pausing his reassurances. I chewed on the inside of my cheek before speaking.

"Guys I.. I really need to go now.."

Everyones shoulders slumped a little, and an eerie silence followed. But Hunk stood up from behind me and helped me stand before pulling me into a tight hug that I returned as best as I could.

Goodbyes were swift, I tried to keep them that way. I didn't want to think that these were more than likely my last coherent words to them. It was too dark of a thought to linger on. And everyone seemed to silently agree. 

Keith and Shiro were the ones who helped me to my new room, eventually putting arms around me to help me walk straight. I pressed my hands into their backs for support and I could  _feel_ their pulses through my fingers. A steady beat that rattled my body. 

_Feed._

_They're meals._

_**Do it.**  
_

I tried to ignore it, god I did. At least enough to say goodbye to Keith and Shiro properly, unlike the ones I gave to the others. Hunk was an exception, but _he_ pulled  _me_ into the hug. I just want one last kiss. A hug, anything.

One last kiss from Keith before I turned. But I'd surely bite, and I'd rather keep him healthy than satisfy more than one hunger. Once we made it to my room, I didn't even spare them more than a somber glance before closing the door and letting someone lock it from the outside. I couldn't tell who did it, but I heard the handle click before I saw the thin line of light cover up with the towel. Then the boards followed. 

It honestly feels like it's been so long, but darkness has only just fallen. So it's still today. But I don't know whether to be happy it hasn't been long yet, or upset that it feels like it's been years. Everything hurts, my head's throbbing, everything's too loud, I can feel every vibration under my feet. Like the one approaching my door again. How long's it been? Why are they coming back? I could be dangerous.

"...Lance?"

_Keith_

"Y-eah?"

Was that really my voice? It was bubbly, scratchy. Like it was under water.

"What are those white spots in the sky at night?"

_The question._

This is what I would be asked, but it's an easy question to answer, shouldn't it be harder? I answer anyways, I need to make Keith happy. He doesn't deserve this. Nobody deserves to be put through this. Having to deal with an infected right around the corner.

"They're stars.."

 

* * *

 

Red. It's clouding the corners of my eyes. I've caught myself making noises I didn't think were humanly possible. Then again, I was turning into something that  _wasn't_ entirely human. I'm hungry, but I don't feel like I'm going to die from it. How often do infected need to eat? Will they feed me? What if they didn't think that far? I've only ever seen infected eating people? What if I get so hungry I break down the door and infect everyone else?

The sun rose a long time ago, and I can see the sky darkening again. I've been standing by the door since last night. There are people somewhere in the building. I can feel them moving. Hear them. Their voices. Their footsteps. The footsteps coming closer. I felt them in my bones, question time. 

A figure stopped in front of my door.

"What are those white spots in the sky at night?"

_Keith?_

_No._

_Shiro._

"S-tarR rs.."

 

* * *

 

_Hungry._

**_No I'm not._ **

_Feed._

**_I won't._ **

_You want to._

**_I don't._ **

_You will._

I can feel them moving. They're north of me. I can feel their footsteps. I can hear their voices. I can tell  _exactly_ where they are. I can smell them now, tell each of them apart by scent. Time doesn't matter anymore, but the sky is dark once again. I've moved to the wall opposite the door, nails digging into the dry wall. It was a distraction to the pain in my head and in my stomach. 

I do have a consciousness, but it's different that what I was thinking. I have my consciousness, but it's changing. Just like me. Changing into something of an infected mind. Mainly focusing on where the food-

Where the  _people_ are. 

Like the one coming closer to the door now. 

It took everything in me not to run to the door and try escaping to get to the prey outside-

Damn it, Lance. The  _person_ outside.

"Lance?.. What are those white spots in the sky at night?"

_Who?.._

I know the voice, I swear I know he name to it. It's right on the tip of my tongue..

Keith?

No, it's Shiro.

Never mind it's Keith.

I wish I could tell the difference..

What  _were_ those white spots?.. 

Oh

"ST-aA..r.. **rsS**.."

"You're doing so well, Lance.."

"You can get through this."

_Shiro **and** Keith._

I'm so,  _so_ , hungry..

 

* * *

 

_Hungry.._

_I am.._

_Feed.._

_I can't.._

_You want to.._

_I do.._

_Do it.._

_Just a nibble won't hurt, right?.._

Oh no..

I groan, and click a few times, standing in the middle of the room slouched over. My nails are chewed as far as I could handle it, pain was gone to me, but the blood pouring from where my nails used to be was enough to tell me not to do it. That's the wrong kind of food, Lance. You're not food.

They are.

_**I'm falling..** _

Their pulses, I can feel them. It's almost scary, but fun in a way. When I groan, the pulses pick up pace.

_They're scared._

They should be.

_Food-_

"Hey.. What are those white spots in the sky at night?.."

I can no longer tell who this is. 

Just a voice.

"Srrr.. R R **rR _rssSr_**.."

What's that sound?

I've learned to understand I sound nothing like I used to, but  _this_ sound was new to me.

_Crying._

Whoever was on the other side of the door was crying.

"D.. Nnnn-NNnt..C..rrRr-yYyr.."

The sound only worsened. 

 

* * *

 

**_Hungry._ **

_I am.._

_**Feed.**  
_

_I will.._

_**When.**  
_

_I don't know.._

Feet, blood, heartbeats. I hear them. I feel them. I smell them.

They're so close, one's coming, perfect. 

"Lance?.."

What are they saying? Are they talking to me? 

_**Feed now.** _

I lunged at the door from my spot on the ground, slamming my fists into the enforced wood. I couldn't feel anything, my body was numb. I couldn't feel anything but the four feet step back. 

_Four._

**_Two meals._ **

This made me screech, yelling as I slammed my fists into the barrier between me and my food. They kept speaking though, the bigger of the two footsteps being the one to talk.

"What-.. What are those white spots in the sky at night?.."

All I did was scream.

 

* * *

 

**Food.**

**It's just over there.**

**I want it.**

**Now.**

The pulses came back every day for weeks, as if taunting me that I couldn't get to them.

And they always said the same  _fucking_ thing. 

But something in me kept saying that I was supposed to say something back. But what? Something about white spots.

What are those called again?

I forgot a few weeks ago, but now it feels like it's just on the tip of my tongue

 

They come back, I try to get to them again. Can't, as usual. They say something. I wish I knew how to respond.

I felt it wasn't necessary to attack the door, so I didn't.

This probably surprised them, because their heartbeats quickened.

There were more than two now, but the more familiar voices were the ones that spoke again.

"What are the white spots in the sky at night, Lance?"

Lance? Was that me?..

I don't answer.

 

* * *

 

_Hungry?_

Not really, actually..

_Feed.._

I.. Kind of want an apple or something now that I think about it..

_You want to?_

Yeah.

I couldn't feel the pulses anymore, or the feet either now, really. It's been 106 sun rises. I can tell because I scratched the wall with a piece of wood or a nail I took out of the wall to mark a day. It was something to do. Otherwise I kind of just sit here and do nothing. Footsteps?

Yes! 

I remember who they are, I first remembered a month or so ago. But I still can't quite remember the answer to the question. As I heard the footsteps, lighter ones so it's Keith, approach the door, I heard something hit the wood. It was a small  _thump._ Is he leaning his head on the door? 

I'll do that too, it made me feel closer to him.

The bigger footsteps did that yesterday, and I did the same thing.

It was nice feeling close to them..

I miss contact..

"Lance?.."

"Mmm?"

"What are those white spots in the sky at night?.."

I had to think really hard on this, I wanted to make Keith happy. Something told me he needed it and I decided to follow that thought for once. What  _were_ they? Clouds? No, clouds look black or grey at night..

_Oh_

"S..tarrR..s?.."

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah okay so I forgot to mention this is kind of inspired by The Last of Us! Mainly just for the names and types of infected. I hope everything is going well so far!
> 
> I listened to the Last of Us soundtrack while writing this and that's what reminded me.


	4. Seeing the change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Entry 4
> 
> I read the first entry today to look back.  
> I was so happy back then..  
> Careless, ya know?  
> I'm slowly recovering, but I can't help but feel that something's very different about me..  
> I don't want to feel different, I just want to go back to the way things were before.  
> Not just before I was bitten, before Shiro was bitten, before we made a base, I want everything to go back to that night at the bar.  
> For none of this to happen.

It honestly felt like an eternity with how long I was trapped in that room. Luckily there was a small storage area with some canned food. That's right, we didn't scrounge this far into the complex. The bloater was too close and the spores would have gotten to the others. It's been a confusing couple of days, I remember everything of being turned. I had pale skin, and most of my body had sickly yellow and green patches. But over time, something I didn't think was possible happened.

My arm started healing.

The bubbling went down after about two months, and disappeared entirely a week ago. Now it's just ugly scarring of where the bubbles were along with the teeth marks forever present on my now pale skin. There was a pink and red glow to the area now, rather than yellow, green, and foaming white. My veins went back to their original color, and my skin's starting to slowly gain some of my normal color back. Granted I might not be as tan as before because I've been stuck in the dark for so long. But I'm sure a few days in the sun will bring me back to a healthy glow. 

Spores from me being infected have filled the room enough to make a fog, and I'm surprised it hasn't turned me back yet. It's all I've been breathing in. If anyone else breaths it in it has the same effect as being bitten by an infected. But I'm not turning and it's keeping me on edge. What if I'm still infected and just calm with the fact there have been people moving around me for so long that I can't reach? What if as soon as someone opens the door I'll go bat shit crazy? I don't real know. But a few days ago I was cleared to have conversations with the others, as long as it was through the door. The team has to break the window boarding first to get the spores outside before opening the door so the building won't fill with the poisonous air. Well, poisonous to them.

I remember everything from being infected. I remember the day everything finally clicked and I fully turned, slamming my fists into the door. That went on for about sixty or so days. But I had a consciousness, in a way. So that question is answered. It's just not the consciousness of the person the infected used to be. It's a broken mind, I could think in my usual languages, I heard what the others were saying through the door, but I couldn't respond. My vocal cords changed to sound like that of a clicker, before it started to come back. And the bloater hiding on this side of the complex, I could talk to it.We had full conversations that I understood when I shouldn't have been able to. Our language was a variety of clicks and groans, and somehow I made words with them. One day a few weeks ago he sounded angry, like,  _really_ angry, and the voices I later recognized as the team were attacking.

He's been quiet since then. I almost miss him.

Now, I sat against the door, picking at my nails that have finally grown back. It's boring in here. Shocker, right? The only highlights of being in here is I can hear the lions walking through the grass by the window, occasionally huffing and rubbing against the wood. It was probably Blue, his voice was always a little higher pitched than the others, and he's the most chatty. When I was just starting to feel like I was getting better, I could hear scratches on the wood of the boarded up window, and I later found out it was Black trying to get in. I know because he made a sizable hole in the wood. Big enough that I could reach my hand out and run it along hid fur and mane. I knew I missed contact, but I didn't know  _how much_ I missed it until I finally got to touch another living, sane being. 

Through that hole, the spores have been filtering out, starting to let fresh air flow in. I heard the team talking about it yesterday, debating whether to board it up or not in case I'm not in complete control. They came and talked to me about it, actually. I finally had an opinion to put in about myself.

 

* * *

 

_Multiple footsteps were heard, maybe three people? Four? I wasn't positive. They were approaching the door and I stepped closer, fidgeting excitedly. I know they weren't opening the door yet, not if they were just downstairs contemplating boarding the hole in my window up again. But the fact that they were talking to me was always a break from being lost in myself. They talk to me a lot now. More often than just a question at night, and I slowly gained back memories of each person, and remembered names. Answering that one stupid question about stars actually helped a lot in mental recovery, believe it or not. Remembering that one thing was like opening a floodgate of other memories that started trickling back into my mind. A few days ago when Keith said "I love you" was when a whole river of memories flooded my brain. I was ecstatic, and responded instantly._

_The footsteps stopped outside my door, and a knock echoed through the room._

_"Lance?"_

_Oh thank god it's Hunk. I missed hearing from him so much._

_"Yeah?"_

_"Hey um.. We need you to answer a few things for us okay?"_

_"Sure, no problem. What's up?"_

_It felt wrong, almost. Speaking through a door. I felt like I should be face to face with the person I was talking to. It didn't feel real otherwise. What if none of this was real? What if this was all a hallucination? No, it couldn't be. The fresh air I could breathe in by the window felt too real._

_"Are you hungry?.."_

_Hunks voice shifted at the word 'hungry' and I knew why. But they really don't need to worry anymore. I don't think so at least. Granted it's weird having a subconscious craving for a pulse, but it's not something I find myself wanting to act on. Even since my bite healed, that craving was always there. A burden of what I was, what I still am, always haunting me. Looming over my head like my own personal rain cloud._

_"Mm-hmm."_

_"For what?"_

_That was Shiro's voice, and I lit up a little bit more. So many people wanting to talk to me. So much company. I missed it so much._

_"If I'm going to be honest, that hunger for something living has been there even since my arm healed up, but it's not something I'd indulge in. I'd really rather have a garlic knot or something. God I miss those.."_

_It was Keith who spoke next, and I heard shuffling, like he was trying to get closer to the door._

_"So If I was going to stick my hand through the hole in your window, you wouldn't bite me?"_

**_"No!"_ **

_It surprised me how quick I had responded, and the silence that followed made me worry. Had I said it so fast that it was unbelievable? Did they think it was a lie? Maybe my voice was off when I said it to make it **sound** like a lie. I worried my bottom lip when the silence continues, and that was until the set of lighter feet ran away from the door. I'd scared him away. _ _But about a minute later, there was frantic knocking on the other side of the window, and I ran over from my spot by the door, panic setting in._

_"Keith?! Fucking hell tell me you're wearing-"_

_"Yes I'm wearing a mask. I'm not suicidal."_

_Even if he weren't to have answered my question, I could tell he was wearing the mask. His voice was muffled strangely so I knew it was in place. I felt myself calm at this, and I sighed, letting my shoulders loosen._

_"Show me your arm, Lance."_

_"What?.."_

_"Stick your arm through the window so I can see it. I-.. I need physical proof you're okay."_

_"You think I'm lying?"_

_Did they really not trust me anymore? I mean, I wouldn't trust an infected farther than I could throw them. And that wasn't very far. But They know me. I'm better damn it! If they just let me out I'd be able to prove that! They can look me over and figure out what happened to make me better and see if we can convert that into a cure or something._ _I'd have to talk to them about that later._

_"It's not like that Lance.. Stalkers have minds too, remember? They can manipulate people into thinking they're clean."_

_Oh.. Well fuck now I feel bad. I never even let that cross my mind. Stalkers are so rarely seen that I guess I just forgot about them. I hesitantly stuck my arm through the window after rolling up my jacket sleeve. My arm scrapped across the wood slightly, but it was bearable. I'm just glad I can feel again. Then I felt warm hands on my arm, twisting it slightly so Keith can get a better look. One hand left and I heard Keith mutter a 'come here' to someone. Or multiple people apparently, because there was a voice joining Keiths, and more in the background. All were muffled slightly, so I knew they were wearing gas masks as well._

_"It looks fine.." Shiro. I knew that voice. And I could match the callused finger that brushed the scar on my arm._

_"It's weird, right? This hasn't ever happened before." Keith and Shiro were the ones actively discussing it near me, while the others stood back and listened, or made their own observations._

_"It might have though, Keith. We haven't sat and watched every single infected to see if they reverted back."_

_"No, but we've seen clickers and bloaters everywhere, and that's more than enough validation to say it's not often people turn back. Otherwise people from bigger bases, hell people still living with ties to the government, would have found them and made a cure."_

_"Yeah, I guess that's true.. So what do we do?"_

_"Find the Galra. They can help with this, extract a cure-"_

_"No, Keith. We've already tangled with the Galra, they're not people I want to work with. Especially with something like this. **Someone** like this."  
_

_"Shiro, we've found something nobody else has before. We could have the cure right here. We can't just keep quiet about it like it never happened-"_

_"Guys?.." I had to jump in, they were talking about me, then the Galra, then me again, then me **and** the Galra. They think I'm a cure too? I mean, now that I think about it, I can't be. I was infected. I know I was. It's kind of obvious considering they put me in this room for quarantine. "What are you getting at?.."_

_I heard mumbling from Shiro and Keith, not enough to make out words. They were probably discussing how the fuck to tell this to a half infected man. Quarter infected? Damn I don't know. How to tell me I'm a cure. I already knew that much, it's all I've heard from them since they looked at my arm. "Like, I know you're saying I'm a cure. But I can't be. You're not really paying attention to the fact that I **was** infected, ya know? You're wearing masks because of the spores  **I** made when  **I** was  **infected.** "_

_"It's not that," Shiro said, and I felt his hand leave my arm. "We think you're immune."_

_"Um, no, no no no no no, I **turned** , Shiro. Like, I was either a stalker or runner. If I turned, that's not immunity unless I'm missing something."_

_"No Lance, it wasn't immunity then, but we think it is now. Something switched while you were infected to make you heal. That hasn't happened before or a cure would have been found by now." Oh thank god someone speaking sense. Thank you, Keith._

_"So what are we doing then?"_

_"Shiro?.."_

_There was a pause before I heard a set of relieved sighs as I felt my arm be released for me to pull it back inside.  
_

_"We're going to get you out of there, and we're going to go to the Galra to see if they can get a cure out of you."_

 

* * *

 

So that brings us here to why I'm sitting by the door. Hunk helped Shiro take the broken wood piece off the window so the air circulated in faster. An I've been waiting since yesterday. The air is cleared in the room, spores swept into the outdoors and now unable to cause any harm. I lean my head back against the door, groaning loudly. Who ever thought me, Lance Díaz, would have sat still in one place for more than five minutes. Not me. I'm so excited to get out of here, stretch my legs more, get out of this shitty room and into the outside. Play with Blue, pick on Pidge, eat Hunk's food. Hey that's right, I haven't eaten more than an old can of refried beans since the day I was bit. Shouldn't I be hungrier? Really I just want something small. My stomach hasn't even growled. Maybe I don't  _need_ to eat anymore? That'd be pretty cool. I heard a knock on the window and I bolted up, stumbling a bit in my hurry but I made it over anyways. It was Pidge, and she was breathing hard and there was blood on her. Fresh it looked like. Where were the others?

"You ready, Lance?"

"Uh, duh? Come on, this pretty face has to see the light of day. What happened to you?"

You could practically hear her roll her eyes as I snickered despite my worry, watching her dig the back of the hammer into the head of each nail to pull every one out. She didn't answer though, and I felt fear lace through me. Slowly, like, really slowly, boards started to move out of the way until an area big enough for me to crawl out appeared. I didn't even wait. Once I knew I could fit through, I stuck my arms through first and fit my head through. I looked up at Pidge, grinning before pointing finger guns at her with a wink. "Hey there!" She just groaned and grabbed my arm, pulling me to help me get out. I fell out of the window and onto the ground with a  _thump._ Dude that shit hurts. Granted the ground is right there but she didn't move the wood out of the way. It was just.  _Right there._ Rude. "Care to explain why you're bloody? Is it you're blood? What's happening??"

"Lance, we don't have time. A group of Galra are here and the team is all inside getting everything while Matt and Coran get the horses ready."

"Um, aren't we like,  _looking_ for the Galra?"

"Wrong people to look for. If we tell them your.. Condition, they'll think we're crazy and try to kill us."

"But the base!-"

"Lance  _come on_. There's going to be spores through the way we're headed, so hold your breath."

"You don't have to worry about that."

"Just listen to me."

She helped me up and I took in a deep breath of fresh air. It was nice being out. I smelled gross, but everyone did nowadays so I guess it's fine. Too bad I can't enjoy being let out though. Fucking Galra, always ruining everything. It's not just them either! Hunters are a pain in the ass too! I followed Pidge inside through another door into the complex to the other side. There he was, the bloater I talked to, on the ground motionless still producing spores. At least this is on the other side of the complex. The others wouldn't be doing so well. The hallway we walked through was filled with spores to the point it was hard to see. Pidge readjusted her mask as she knelt down to hide behind a desk, and I followed her lead, staying on her other side to watch for anyone in her blind spots. She looked over the desk to check the area with a blade at the ready before she looked over her shoulder at me, disbelief in her voice as she raised her eyebrows. "How are you breathing in this stuff?"

"I wasn't lying to you.."

She looked me over for a few more seconds before she motioned me forward, moving down and out of the hall into a safer part of the complex and to the others. This is the first time I've seen any of them face to face in such a long time.. Shiro looked worse, his hair had a shock of white in the front and his prosthetic looked like it needed repairing He had his back pack slung over his back already, as did everyone else. Hunk looked like he dropped some pounds, Allura still looked badass and beautiful as ever. Pidge looked more mature than I last remember her. Hair a little longer and finally to the length that I could braid it. However, no Keith to be seen. I knew where Matt and Coran were. Re-introductions could wait, we were missing someone and we were under attack. Can't I just have a day in peace? Please? "Where's Keith?"

Hunk answered me from his spot behind the table that had been tipped over for cover, bless his soul. "He's upstairs getting your stuff, we're waiting on you to get your back pack." I nodded and made my way upstairs into our apartment room, and as soon as I try to turn into the room, Keith's running into me and forcing my bag into my arms. "There're more coming, we need to go  _now._ " 

I only nod, slinging my back pack over my shoulders and looking in the room one more time to make sure we got everything vital. And of fucking  _course_ he would forget my gun. I stepped into the room quick, grabbing the revolver and opening the side bed drawer to get the rest of my ammo. The right bullets can be hard to find now, so I don't plan on just leaving these. Once the bullets are in my pocket and gun at the ready, I make my way downstairs and back to Keith. Everything was happening so fast. I'm bit, I turn, then I'm back to normal. Now we're  _abandoning_ our base, our  _lions._ Come on, who else gets to say they had lions in the apocalypse? I'd kind of want to keep them for proof, not to mention they're soft and basically teddy bears. 500 pounds of kitty is still kitty.

"You're ready?"

"Yeah, but what about the lions?"

"Good, lets go." Keith nodded at Shiro and Allura, who then started guiding everyone out of the building as Keith spoke to me. "The lions are already on the move. We're following them away from here and traveling until we find a safe place to rest, then we'll be saying our goodbyes to them for now."

"What? I can't leave Blue like that-"

"I said for now, Lance. We'll be coming back after we figure out if we can get a cure from you or not. Lions tend to stay in one area, so they won't be going too far. They'll keep the base safe and when we come back they'll have kept it clear of hunters and infected."

"Oh.. Alright, I guess that makes sense.."

We were led to the horses and I quickly got onto mine, Keith getting on the back and holding me around the waist. It was a slow and tedious process to get scared horses out of their pen, but once we heard men shouting, and the fire of a gun, it felt damn near impossible to control them. However, they  _did_ get out of their pens so the hard part was over. we headed west, feeling the horses powerful legs beat the ground under me and Keith as she ran. I haven't named her yet, I just know the chestnut one with blue eyes is mine. We heard more gunshots, and I let go of the reins with one hand to give Keith my gun. "Cover us."

"Lance you know I can't aim a gun for shit. They're too far behind to hit any of us anyways."

"No but they can hit the bigger targets like the horses! Two people per horse, we lose one horse, we lose two people. Just fire, who knows you might hit something."

It felt wrong saying that, but that's just how it was now. The revolver left my hand and I felt one hand leave my waist, the other tightening for better grip. Everyone on the backs of horses was copying us, one guiding the horse, and one protecting from the back. And it's safe to say we managed ourselves pretty well, and soon the hunters were far behind us.

 

* * *

 

We've been riding for a few hours, and considering how late it is, I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one with someone sleeping on the back of a horse. Keith's grip around me had loosened a while ago, his forehead pressed to my shoulder. We still haven't found the lions, and I'm starting to worry they may have gone a different direction than us. But it'll be okay, we'll all be able to see them again when we come back. Maybe there'll be new members too. Dude little baby lions. I wouldn't even care if we were the last people sane on Earth because I'd have a tiny lion. My life would be complete. 

Shiro strode up next to me on his dark brown horse, Matt leaning on his back sound asleep. It spooked my horse a second but a quick pat to her neck settled her down. We spoke softly, not wanting to wake up the people behind us. Shiro speaking first.

"Hey, how you holding up?.."

"I'm doing fine. It's just.. Good to be out.."

He hummed softly in understanding. He'd been through some of the same stuff as me, but not far enough that he got to be numbed for the pain. He'd only gotten enough in his system once the arm was cut off to make him sick. But he knew what it was like to be quarantined.

"Well I'm glad you're out. We all are. Hunk especially."

Hunk was on the back of Coran's horse, and Pidge on Allura's. It was nice seeing them look so peaceful. I love seeing people sleep, and granted that sounds creepy, but now it's so hard to be at peace. So seeing them calm in their sleep is a silver lining to the black cloud looming over the world now.

"I missed you guys.. Like I know we talked and stuff through the door but I mean real face to face conversations."

"I know what you mean. I mean, I couldn't talk while I was in the room sick, but you weren't really understandable either."

"Whatever! I was trying my best! You try having your vocal cords change."

Shiro laughed, deep and gravely. It was a nice sound. A sound that's not really heard anymore from anyone. I always love making people smile, and if I can get them to laugh, well damn that's probably going to be the highlight of my day. He cleared his throat when we saw an old wood cabin up ahead through the trees. This grabbed the attention of Coran and Allura. Shiro motioned with his head to head towards it and the two other nodded, guiding their horses into a gallop to get there faster. I went to follow but Shiro stopped me before I could tell the horse to move faster.

"Wait, I need to talk to you about what's going to happen."

Oh, the cure and what not. No one wanted to get tangled with the Galra again, but we know some good men on the inside that can help us, and Allura graduated with a Phd so she'd know if something wrong was happening.

".. Do you really think I'm the cure?.. Or could have the cure in me?"

"Yes. And if not you can get us really close to one. Pidge said you breathed in enough spores to take out a dozen men when you went through the hallway with the bloater. With no problem even when you had just breathed outside air to recirculate things. Did the switch feel natural?"

"Yeah, I didn't even notice until I saw her fixing the pressure in the mask."

"Damn.. You can't tell anyone outside the group about this. They'll-"

"Think I'm crazy and shoot me. I know. I've heard this before from Pidge. I think it was from you, too."

I smiled when he looked down in embarrassment, moving the horse towards his to bump him before lightly kicking my horses side to make her move faster toward the cabin. When we got through the trees and closer to the cabin I slid off my horse. Fucking hell I need to name her. Anyways, I got off her and tied her to tree around the other horses. I made my way to her side to Keith and nudged him by the knee, making him groan.

"Hey, come on you gotta get up. We found a place to stay."

He hummed and rubbed his eyes, sliding off the horse and leaning on me lazily. I rolled my eyes and quickly moved out of the way, making him stumble. He didn't fall thankfully, but it woke him up enough to make him walk on his own inside. Keith walked next to me, slipping his hand in mine. It was so nice. Once I was bit I didn't think I'd get contact like this again, but here I am. I couldn't stop the smile that made its way across my face even if I tried. 

"I'm happy you're okay.."

''Yeah.. Me too.."

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I figured I'd make it more clear, but the relationships will be slowly built, so Shiro will slowly be added in. But I also want to make it known that the relationships will not be the main story. Granted it will be a major chunk, but it will not effect the major story line.  
> But you'll still get your gays no worries that's a promise.  
> I hope you're enjoying the story so far!


	5. The little things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Entry 5
> 
> Holy FUCK man what the hell. Everything's moving so fast and it's just. Insane. Like yesterday morning I was still in the room, and now we're trying to find the people we've been trying to avoid. But I guess it makes sense. Everyone knows the Galra, so word of a cure being found should spread pretty quick and everything would be fixed. How it'd even be distributed would be a whole new level of thinking I'm just not in the mood for. And granted, everything's been happening in the blink of an eye, but something tells me today should be slow. Calm almost. I've never been more hyped for a break than right now. Maybe get some questions sorted out of theirs, and get some of mine answered as well.

Fucking hell man I'm  _pumped._ Do you know how hard it is to find good food? Like healthy food is pretty difficult in itself, growing crops that we  _abandoned,_ and trying to keep them from getting diseases or dying before you can harvest them. It's just an irritating process. But I'm not talking about that, I mean the real, tasty food. The kind you haven't eaten breakfast, lunch, and dinner for two fucking years.  _Well,_ when we got inside the cabin we all explored a little, looked around all sneaky like to see if there were any infected or hunters to worry about, look for supplies, etc, ect. I've been through that drill so many times it's not even funny. On the bright side there were no infected inside the house, thank god. Anyways! The others scrounged around and didn't find anything more than some antibiotics, some firewood, and quilts. But _I,_ Lance Díaz, kept looking, and in a valiant effort to open a locked cabinet, I found canned bacon.  _Bacon._ Five cans of it just sitting there on the shelf! Do you know how happy Blue would have been? He loved meat, and I don't think he's ever had bacon. 

I walked down the stairs with the cans on my arms, the biggest shit eating grin on my face as I made my way through the back door to the group by the fire. Hunk looked up from his spot, his hands hovering near the flames to warm them up. He looked tired, but slowly he was waking up from his slumber. It probably wasn't comfortable either considering it was on the back of a horse. It's still early in the night though, so we should all be able to get some sleep tonight. His eyes went wide when I joined the circle, plopping myself down on the grass and setting the cans down in a nice row.

"So, while you lazy assholes  _left me_ in the cabin, I did some more snoopin' and found these treasures~"

The rest followed Hunks gaze downward to the cans, then back at me with disbelieving eyes. 

"Yeah. That's right. Who's your favorite? It's me. Because I found  _bacon."_

Hunk was the first to dive for the cans, then the others followed. Pidge climbing over Shiro and Matt, Allura draping herself across Coran's legs so he couldn't move closer while she reached. I scoot away with a high pitched yell, earning me a raised brow from Keith as I stood away from the hoard with a chuckle. Then that laugh faded and I glared at the group of people. "Hey! That's my bacon! And you still have to  _cook_ it! Greedy assholes.." 

This seemed to spark their attention. How  _would_ they cook it? They can't just lay the bacon over a burning piece of firewood. So they all looked at each other individually, stood up slowly and casually before dropping the cans and running inside, all scrambling over each other once again in a rush to get inside first and find something to fry the bacon on.

Keith, fucking hell thank everything he was  _sane_ _._ He stayed out next to me by the fire, and once everyone was inside scrambling around like mad men, he wiggled over next to me. His back was against mine, my head against his shoulder, and his head against my opposite shoulder as we stared at the stars above us.

You see, most of the time I would say something, or you would think something needed to be said to fill the void. Maybe snarky, something funny possibly? Or maybe a soft confession of love. But sometimes silence is better kept. It can be thousands of words spoken at once without any need to vocally make affection obvious. Instead, we leaned against each other comfortably, hearing his soft breathing as we gaze up at the never ending sky above us. The pressure on my back growing and diminishing with each breath we take. 

Before we got together, I'd thought that Keith wouldn't have been a romantic person. At least not in the way romance is normally portrayed with the stereotypical chocolate heart boxes, giant stuffed animals, and constant kissing and giggling. He's not like that, neither of us are. We aren't in a world where we can do that anymore, but even if we weren't in this mess, we wouldn't be like that. We're subtle. A light kiss here, holding hands under the table. Speaking with glances. And we can't give each other sappy ass valentines, but He gave me his bracelets he had when this shit storm started off, and I gave him my dog tags. 

I hummed softly for a while, just enjoying Keith's presence and the warmth of the fire. This is something I missed the most when I was in quarantine. Contact. No one could come inside, I couldn't go outside. Hell the lions were my first contact after  _weeks_ physically alone. So just leaning against Keith and Keith leaning against him was pure perfection. 

Until he stood up. You know, Keith, that's really irritating. I can't believe you've done this. I fell back against the ground once my support system fucking abandoned me and I glared up at him, the fire light illuminating his face perfectly as he offered a hand. "The ground's cold and my ass started to freeze."

"Of course it did." I deadpanned and grabbed his hand.

"..You stopped humming." Keith said as he pulled me up, making me roll my eyes.

"Well no shit you let me fall. I trusted you, Keith. And you betrayed me." Obviously I was being sarcastic, but come on man. I thought we were going to be comfortable while  _ignoring_ the cold ground.

"What song is it?" He tilted his head inquisitively, taking hold of my other hand as well as the first and swaying with me slowly.

"Wildfire.." This took a nice turn, so I decided not to complain anymore as we danced, the heat of the fire next to us filling our bodies as we slowly sped up.

"Want to sing it for me?.." I know Keith'll never admit it, but questions like that can prove he likes my singing. I don't really do it a lot around the others, I'm just self conscious about it. But sometimes when we're having a really bad day, we'll all lay together and just. Sing. Like all together, sometimes purposefully trying to sound as shitty as possibly, dance like a bunch of idiots, and it's just amazing because we can laugh and forget about the world crashing down around us. 

I nod and lay a soft kiss to his lips before I start from the beginning of the song, cheeks slowly turning a brighter red under Keith's gaze.

_"You think you know all about it then it seems you are wrong."_

_"He hit it out of the park before it'd even begun."_

When it's so early in the morning, you can be so light headed that even the stars seem to have sound, singing along with me. Keith and I sway t those sounds, his head pressed to my shoulder while I nosed his hair, smiling as I sang.

_"I needed sunshine in the darkness burning out."_

_"Well now I know that I'm the fuel and he's the spark."_

Keith smiled and held eye contact with me as I pulled him closer, spinning slowly like that and making our way around the fire light.

_"We are bound to each other's hearts."_

_"Cold, torn, and pulled apart, this love is like a wildfire."_

We each let go with one hand, and with the others still grasping each other, we let our momentum spin us away from each other until our arms were stretched, still clinging to each other by the hand.

 

_"And to my word now, I'll be true, I can't stop this breaking loose. This love is like a wildfire."_

I pulled him in, and we crashed together. Big, dopey smiles on both of our faces as we let ourselves tumble to the ground about as graceful as giraffes on roller skates. 

We lied on our sides by the fire, letting the warmth sweep over us as we laughed, rolling onto our backs to stare at the stars. The same stars that sang with us as we danced like dorks in the midst of an apocalypse. We'd lied like that, just staring, ignoring the world around, and just focusing on us.

 

* * *

 

The others eventually found some metal coat hangers, and we cut them with wire cutters so we could form some kind of make shift grill.. Thing.. Look it works okay. Keith and I had shuffled our ways back over to our spots, joining in on the teams drowsy conversations while we ate the bacon. It didn't taste like the bacon I remember, but everyone else seems to think it does. My taste buds are probably off now. I mean, I'm not complaining. The bacon still tastes good! Just. Different. And I'm still not really hungry. But I  _know_ I have to get some food in me. Now I've just gotta be conscious of it all the time.

"Hey did you guys name your horses?" I decided to speak up, see if anyone else took the time to name theirs. Maybe I'm just the only one that hasn't named mine. 

"Coran and I named ours Terra." Hunk spoke first, mouth full of bacon.

"Terra? Like the Latin root for land?" I looked at him inquisitively, picking at the piece of bacon I held while watching the fire.

"Yeah?.. Holy crow man you paid attention in geography!" Hunk punched me lightly in the arm and I feigned hurt, placing my hands to my chest and getting bacon crumbs on my jacket.

"Uh, duh! Mr. Harris loved me!" I made a motion to flip my imaginary long hair, winking while Pidge laughed.

"Dude he hated you to the very core." Pidge shrugged, snatching the bacon from her brothers hands and popping it into her mouth before Matt could take it back.

"Whatever. Allura, did you and Pidge name your horse?" I sat back up, leaning against Keith and letting him link our fingers together, my thumb stroking the back of his hand gently.

"Yes," Allura spoke up first, clapping her hands together. "his name is Callus!"

"Against my recommendations of Rover." Pidge ground out, getting a half hearted glare from Allura.

"Why would those even be name options for a horse?? Callus? Like those things you get on your hands? And Rover, Pidge? For a  _horse_ _?_ You guys are so bad at this- Matt, Shiro, please tell me you have a  _half_ decent name for yours?" I felt myself losing faith in humanity, Callus?? What the hell man that poor horse.

"We named ours Cocoa." Matt said, pushing up his glasses and stealing the piece of bacon that Pidge had claimed because it was the most burnt, and he was known to love burnt food. He always took Hunks rejected food.

"Bruh- I give up!" I flopped to the ground and lied on my back once more. That's like, my go to move now that I think about it. Wasn't really aware I've been throwing my weight around so much. Whatever, my body just likes showing emotion more than my mouth does. Because who has time to figure out how does words. "You're all so bad like.. How long'd it take you to look at a horse and think 'oh duh it's a Cocoa!' just because it's brown? Come  _on_ man help me restore faith in you guys. The bars been lowered a lot, shouldn't be too hard."

"Oh whatever, like you named yours anything better!" Pidge spoke over the crackling fire that Shiro and Matt had just added more wood to, making the flames shoot up a bit and lick at the sky in long red ribbons.

"He hasn't named it yet." Keith deadpanned before I could say anything, making all of the others that remained awake to stare at me with an eyebrow raised.

"Hey, nothing's better than fucking Callus or Cocoa!" I shouted, flailing my free hand around to emphasize my point.

"Well at least ours have names instead of just 'the horse'!" Allura remarked, smile on her face as the others chuckled.

"Shut up, we'll figure it out and have a name better than any of yours. Way better than fucking  _Callus._ God that poor creature.." I placed the back of my hand to my forehead, groaning dramatically before getting a smack to the back of the head from Keith. "Oh the pain, I've been wounded! Coran, Hunk, you're my favorites again. Keith's proven his abandonment with physical abuse, and you're the only ones with a good name for your horse." I could feel Keith's eye roll as he released my hand. Now I've been fully abandoned. Look at this, left alone yet again. Oh the humanity! Of course I'm being sarcastic, jesus no. The emo stuff is Keith's thing.

Coran played with his mustache, grinning wide. "Why thank you my boy! It was my idea, you see my grandfather was really interested in Latin and learned the roots we use in todays language. I learned a lot about it from him!"

I rose my eyebrows, nodding. Maybe Keith and I can do that for our horse. Name it with something from a different language. But that's for later. Right now we were happy. Calm, fucking around. It's weird, thinking that it's already been two years. Maybe more. That makes me twenty something? Yeah twenty three. It's not warm enough to be summer yet so my birthday hasn't come yet. Might be around the corner, but hey we can't tell. Now everything is just a day. We base days on scales. One to ten. We rarely have ones. On the first day this started was defiantly a one. Sometimes we go without food for a while, then the days start turning into ones. We loose people we met, those varied I guess. Sometimes we loose people we didn't want in the first place. Others we could really use here again.

It's hard, granted. But not hard enough. We're still alive, we're still kicking. Might have a cure even, and for once I can see the worst of it all parting to let in room for some good. I glanced around the group, watching as some of their eyes grow heavy. Pidge leaning against Matt, and Matt against Shiro. Hunk had fallen back into the grass, and I decided to lean on him, pulling Keith with me so his back was to my chest. My hands went to his hair, undoing his hair from the ponytail it sat on and running my fingers through ebony locks.

Hunk groaned and pushed me off him before he sat up, and I stared at him in false hurt. "Dude what the hell I was comfortable, I trusted you to lay on-"

"Well I just ate so don't lay on me, I feel bloated." Hunk laid a hand over his stomach as he said that, and I rolled my eyes.

"Ah whatever. I don't know about you guys, but I'm tired as fuck. Keep it down for me I'm gonna sleep here." I traded places with Keith, laying my head in his lap as I closed my eyes, feeling the soft press of Keith's lips against my forehead.

"Oh pa-lease. You're never quiet for us when we sleep. All we hear is you running your mouth." Pidge remarked, sitting up from her spot against her brother to smack my foot.

"Yeah but the last time I did that was a couple months ago calm down." I grunted and rolled, lying on my side with my head against Keith's crossed ankles. 

Allura looked over at Pidge, shaking her head at the girl before she could make a remark. Now wasn't the time for arguments. I couldn't tell much more of what happened, everything began to get hazy as I fell into the warm hands of sleep.

 

* * *

 

 

Keith held his gaze at Lance, his violet eyes tracing his lovers exhausted features. His hands subconsciously ran up and down Lance's arms as he turned his eyes to the fire, watching as embers flew away from the wood to float into the air around the group. "We should put this out soon, the Galra might see the smoke and come looking."

"How would we even get to these Galra allies? I mean, we're  _running_ from them right now. For all we know they might be dead. And if they were  _really_ allies they'd be with us." Matt spoke up, while Coran stood up and grabbed the cans from the bacon to use to pick up the water from a nearby puddle.

"Thace is a higher-up there, the other Galra wouldn't let him get hurt." Shiro mentioned, turning his grey eyes to Matt. "And don't try to play innocent. We've been on both sides, we know how to get to them." 'On both sides' meaning they've been hunters too. It was a bad time for the group, and they needed everything they could get. And food was plentiful with the Galra, as well as ammo and medicine. 

Keith turned his gaze to the two, thumbs gently rubbing Lance's temples. "Word should get through that there was a sighting of us, we just have to get the attention of Thace and he can meet us somewhere so we can explain what's going on."

Allura nodded while Coran dumped the water over the fire, joining in on our conversation. "We can let the small Galra group we saw back at our base follow our trail enough to guess the direction we're heading. Obviously being the Galra's main base west of here."

"Wait, wait, wait.. So we're headed towards the Galra.. While  _avoiding_ them.. But at the same time we're  _looking_ for them?.. Once again I'm the voice of reason, but none of this is adding up. There's just too much that can go wrong." Hunk shook his head, hand on his knee as he leaned forward.

"If you were paying attention more you'd know what we  _just_ went over." Pidge muttered, getting a light smack from her brother on the back of her head. "What?! Ugh, okay look, we're trying to avoid The Galra's main goons. Zarkon, Sendak, Prorok, eccetera. Thace and his friends aren't fully with the other Galra's choices, and instead help us. Like how they helped us get away from Zarkon after we decided to blow the joint. The group we saw earlier will most likely report back and other Galra groups will see us occasionally if we leave trails of some sort and figure out the direction we're headed. The main base will eventually catch wind of it, and with Thace and his friends being higher-ups, and knowing who we are, they'll meet up with us and we can tell them about Lance. We might be able to meet him at _his_ base in Iowa." Hunk nodded, then glanced over at Keith as he spoke.

"I don't like the Idea of Zarkon knowing where we're headed, or Lance being involved medically with them." 

Allura smiled softly and placed her hand on his shoulder soothingly, her eyes meeting Keith's. "We don't either, but we're not leaving him alone with them. We'll be with him at all times so nothing can go wrong."

Shiro spoke up, looking around at the members of our group that remained awake. "How about we talk about this tomorrow when we're all rested? We're all exhausted and sleep will do us worlds of good."

Everyone agreed and Coran made sure the embers that remained weren't too hot to start another fire, but warm enough to keep them all from freezing. Keith readjusted Lance so he had his head against Keith's abdomen when he lied down. Hunk lied down near Lance, Pidge with Matt and Shiro, and Allura with Coran. Eventually, they all succumbed to the darkness just as Lance had, trying to get the sleep they all knew they needed. It could be a long time until they get another night like this.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will mainly be a calmer, happy chapter to make up for some of that Lance hurt that I forced upon you all.  
> Please feel free to leave a comment! I would love to hear your thoughts on the fic!
> 
> The song used is [Wildfire by Seafret](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RHhkd2B87Q8)
> 
> And just a heads up, the next chapter may be a little late. I mean we're ALL watching season two, so i guess it's self explanatory why. But I'll make up for the lateness in chapter length. ;))


	6. Light will fade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Entry 6
> 
> So we head west today! I don't know whether I should be happy I might be a cure, or paranoid about it. Like, yes! If I'm help for a cure this mess can be over with! People can be fixed! But at the same time, if I end up dying on our way to even see if I am a cure, that chance'll be gone. But I guess you've just gotta look to the bright side.

Slowly a cup that started off as empty is starting to fill, and we're starting to gain hope again. Granted, we still haven't formulated a complete plan. But I guess at this point we just go with the flow. Too many things that can go wrong and fuck up any plan we make. But right now is a pretty steady idea of what to do. Details spared obviously. We head off west today, and we'll be starting at the north end branch of the Ohio River. We'll follow the river through Indiana and branch off from Illinois onto the Missouri river where we'll follow that through our top four areas where we  _think_ the Galra have their base. Because we've heard from other Galra shit heads that a base is in Kansas, there's a base in Nebraska, and then there's supposed to be a base in South Dakota. But they've all mentioned a university. At this point it's kind of the process of elimination. Nebraska was taken over entirely by a hunter group that relies on cannibalism, and we already know the Galra hate them as much as us. So the base the Galra lookouts were talking about was probably one for the cannibals. We'll be trying to avoid Nebraska at all costs until we know the Galra's main base isn't anywhere else. And the University of Nebraska is under the cannibals rule as well. Meaning at that point, if we don't find the real Galra base anywhere else through chatter from Galra hunters, we've got to assume their base is a smaller college in Nebraska. Until then, we'll be going by what Thace said last time we saw him. He said he wouldn't be far from the main Galra base. Just across the border of Nebraska and along the other side of the river in Iowa. The main issue there though is that's way too close to Nebraska for us to be comfortable. The cannibals have been known to jump borders, and there's  _hundreds_ of them. 

 

Anyways, despite all of that route planning and confusing deconstructing mumbo jumbo, the gist of it all is we're looking for Thace first in Iowa. It's better to have someone help us than go unguided into the Galra's clutches. Zarkon isn't a huge fan of us if you know what I mean, we  _have_ killed a lot of his men. And I really don't know what the others are thinking, why would he let us in because we  _think_ I'm a cure? What if there are plenty of others that have survived and banded together already somewhere? I don't know. It's all fucking with my head. 

 

Right now we're all getting ready for The Great Voyage™ by gathering what we can. Allura and I volunteered to groom and feed the horses while the others looked for supplies inside the cabin again, and fill up our gallon milk jugs with water from a nearby pond. Of course the others have to go through the struggle of boiling the water first to get rid of diseases that might come from the water. Granted I would have been able to get in the water, but horse time was always fun. 

 

Allura and I found some crab apples on a tree not too deep in the forest, and decided to take those to the horses instead of just making them eat the grass around the cabin. I stood under the tree, running towards the tree to kick off the trunk and upwards to a thick branch. I pulled myself up onto is and shook the branch by bouncing lightly while I grabbed some of the apples from higher up. 

 

"Lance," Allura called from below me, stuffing some apples into her back pack. "my bag's full, I'm going to count the other supplies and see if we have enough antiseptic. So please no dropping more apples down to me. I'm sure we have enough."

 

I frowned and sat on the tree branch to get a little closer to the ground before lowering myself slowly, trying to touch the ground with my feet before I let myself fall. When that didn't work, I just let go of the branch and found that the fall wasn't that bad. I shrugged and walked over to Allura, taking my own bag off my shoulders. She was the doctor of the group so it'd make sense she was the one to hold onto more of the antiseptics and such. I've got mask duty so I lug those things around all day. Not fun, but better than having to carry the food.

 

"Hey, so.. Can I talk to you? Now that we're away from the others this would be a really nice time to go over somethings I don't understand." I dropped my bag to the ground by my feet before flopping ungracefully by Allura, crossing my legs while glancing elsewhere. "I mean I don't get a lot of stuff - granted - nor do I really care about most of it. Well I do, but I've never really  _been_ the major problem. Fuck- that's a lie. I mean-"

 

"Yes, Lance, you can talk to me." Allura smiled warmly at me, and I felt a weight lift off my shoulders already with the kind gesture. Apocalypse mom.

 

"Thanks.. So, why does it  _have_ to be the Galra we talk to? You're a doctor, can't you figure it out with some of your magic doctory powers? Like I can piss on a stick and you can check the bars? One for 'not a cure' and two for 'is a cure'? Then like, take my blood and inject other people with it so they're immune too? Even though I doubt I'm actually immune."

 

Allura set some bottles of aleve in the grass, snorting out a laugh and shaking her head as she counts the pills from the bottles. "First off, that's a pregnancy stick. Second, that's not how my 'magical doctory powers' work. Or any medical related procedure. Blood is only transferred to another individual if the blood type is the same, and the donor's blood is the same."

 

"Okay whatever, I barely made it through the first semester of college, I have no idea what the fuck you're talking about. But that's all besides the point! We're steering off in the wrong direction." I chew on my lip and flop back against the grass, plucking pieces from the ground to sprinkle them elsewhere.

 

Allura - after pouring exactly 68 aleve pills back into one bottle and stuffing it into her bag - copied me and fell back onto the ground, staring at the green leaves sway with the branches as wind blew through them. "Believe me, I would have done this myself if I was able to. But I don't have any of the proper equipment for things like this. The Galra do, they have a massive medical clinic about fifty or sixty miles away from their university and they transferred the equipment there to the college. And said college has power."

 

"How do you know all of this? We haven't even figured out what state they're in, so how can you just suddenly  _know_ they have equipment and power?" I sat up on my elbows to look over at her better, meeting her brighter blue eyes with my darker ones.

 

"Lance, we've been linked with the Galra before. It's no surprise. It's just old info I didn't think would matter until now. Like the license plate my best friends sister had for her first car. I thought it was useless information because we've been trying to stay away from them as much as possible. And now suddenly, we're walking right to their front door. While we were with them, they had power. They had medical equipment. You remember that, surely. And that wasn't even the main base."

 

"Yeah, but you know about a specific medical clinic near them. What state are they in? Like, what city? How fucking far are we going to do this?Allura what if it doesn't even  _work_ and I end up not being a cure and it'll all be useless?"

 

"Lance-"

 

"Someone might  _die_ on this trip and if it doesn't work it'll be for nothing. The Galra will be mad and Zarkon'll have us killed and-"

 

_**"Lance!"** _

 

My head whipped over to Allura, who had gotten onto her knees and had a hand hovering over my shoulder as if worried to touch. "Hey, just breathe. It'll be alright. No one's dying. I already talked with the others about where we're headed, and all there was left to tell was you. That's why I let us be paired together to get the horses food.." Her eyes met mine warmly, and I could feel my breaths slowing. When had they even sped up? Whatever.

 

"We're headed to Manhattan Kansas to get to the state university. We'll be cutting through the medical clinic they got their equipment from. Since it'll be so close to the Galran main base, there's bound to be multiple look outs. So in the time we take to get through the clinic, the lookouts will have hopefully seen us and alerted other areas. Thace will soon catch wind of it and head our way and we'll meet him at the university or along the way."

 

I rose an eyebrow and tilted my chin down slightly. She couldn't be serious. Could she? "Um.. No? We're not doing that? You DO remember that when this all started, all infected people were sent to hospitals. There are bound to be infected up the ass. Not to mention the ones that have been here the longest are all  _probably_ still in the hospitals. You know, fucking  _bloaters_ ? Allura did you really think this over? Hell did _anyone_  really think this over? We can cut through and risk losing everything, or go around with a fraction more time added on and save everyone."

 

Allura's mouth gaped slightly at this, and she lowered her head in thought. She stood up and grabbed her back pack and hauled it over her shoulders with a grunt, reaching a hand out to me afterwards. "Maybe it's best we discuss this with the others. Besides, we can't stay here for too long, they  _are_ all waiting on us to leave."

 

I grabbed her hand with a sigh, using her to help myself to my feet. This felt oddly like my idea was being ignored. Again. But then again, Allura said we'll talk about it when we meet up with the group. Maybe I'm just being bitter. Hell anyone would be a bit ticked off if people thought they were the cure to this insanity, but they didn't believe it themselves. I can't be. I'm just one person. How can one person be the hope for everything? And in a world like this, that hope could easily be killed off. Isn't that how it always is?

 

I grabbed my bag and slung it over my shoulders with a grunt. The added weight of the crab apples reminding me of just how many we had gotten. Why'd we even get so many? We have like, four horses. And we can't eat them, we'll get stomach aches, and those aren't fun if you're running from a hoard of infected. We can eat maybe like. Two at the most. And they're so pithy and gross. Just, eugh. I personally hate crab apples, and I don't think I'm alone. We might be dropping quite a few once Allura and I get back to the others.

 

I walked alongside Allura in a comfortable silence, matching her footsteps as we walked. Thankfully, I was left to my own thoughts, and  _boy_ do I have a lot of them. Our horses are just up ahead, and I can see mine's head bent down eating grass. I really  _should_ name it. It's got nice eyes, a pretty ocean blue. And  _no_ I'm not a furry when I say you can get lost in them. It's not like that. Stop it. I can already feel your judgement. On the inside you're shaking your head, almost as if you're reading about my life through a shitty fanfiction. I'm  _just_ saying it because they're a deep blue! Like deep in the ocean! You can get lost there! Like the lost city! You know, Atlantis? You know what? The more I try to prove myself, the deeper of a grave I'm digging. 

 

Hey. That's not bad actually. Atlantis. That's it! I'm naming the horse Atlantis. Case closed. Well I mean I've gotta run it by Keith, but it's nice! Better than fucking  _Callus._ Yeah Allura, I'm looking at you. My horse is going to have the best name and yours is named after an unwanted body part. You raisin. Hell even Shiro and Matt's horse is named better and it's name is  _Cocoa._ I turned my head to glare at her, shaking my head.

 

Allura noticed this and looked at me with a raised brow as we approached the horses, her hand meeting Callus's cheek tenderly as she lifted a crab apple to his lips. "What are you looking at me like that for?"

 

I eyed her disapprovingly and looked away, taking off my backpack and placed it over Atlantis's side where a hook rested for the item. "I'm still disappointed in you. Callus?  _Really_?"

 

"What! You're still hung up on that?! It's better than nothing! *cough* your horse *cough*" She copied me and slung her backpack onto Callus, taking off her shoes and socks and stuffing them in her bag before climbing onto the big creature with a half hearted glare in my direction.

 

I gasped and put my hands over Atlantis's ears, eyeing Allura with faux irritation. "How dare you! Her name is _Atlantis_!" I let go of her and grabbed an apple from my bag before feeding it to Atlantis. While she ate I took off my boots and socks like Allura and placed them in one of the side satchels Atlantis had behind her saddle.

 

Allura blinked in surprise and looked down at her hands now gripping Callus's reins. "Damn, that's good. Alright, I'll give it to you. It  _is_ a better name than Callus." 

 

I grinned wide and lightly tapped Atlantis's side with my bare heel, getting her to move forward along side Callus. "Yeah, I know it is.."

 

As we rode back to the group, I let my mind wander. I couldn't talk about my idea from before until we got to the group, but I can still talk about one thing. And if I'm being honest, I don't think I'll ever stop talking about it. I look over at Allura, eyes not meeting hers, and instead I hold my gaze lower. "Hey Allura?.. You don't really think I can help get a cure do you?"

 

She lit up at this, eyes growing wide as she grinned ear to ear. "Of course I do! Why wouldn't I?"

 

 

I kept my gaze low, gripping Atlantis's reins tighter as I spoke. "Well.. I'm just  _me.._ And now suddenly I may or may not be the worlds only hope. I never had my thing, ya know? You're the doctor and just over all bad ass, Coran knows like, everything there is to know. Pidge's the hacker and strategist, Hunk is the mechanic and can fix  _anything,_ Shiro's the best leader I've ever seen and knows how to talk us through any situation. Matt's the groups hype man, and Keith's got the awesome close quarters combat skills, like,  _no one_ beats him. And before all this cure shit happened, I wasn't anyone. I mean, I could shoot people! But that's nothing to be proud of.. Then I'm the infected one. A burden.. Now I'm the cure?.. That doesn't just happen.. I don't  _deserve_ such a big role. Like, Shiro deserves this more, Pidge deserves it, Hunk deserves it, hell everyone but me deserves it. I've never done anything so important as to have this big of a responsibility. I'm so fucking  _clumsy_! I'll just end up getting myself killed and that hope for a cure will be gone. Honestly, I just think the universe chose the wrong person." I would have gone on, hell I had so much to say about it.  _So much._ But it'd just make it seem like I was complaining. I'd already said enough, and we were getting close to the cabin. 

 

Allura looked over at me, a smile still on her features even after all I said. "That's right Lance. You're just you. But you're not only the you that you see. You're a genius. Lets not forget how we even  _got_ these horses. Remember?" She leaned down a bit, making my eyes flicker up to hers. "You were the one who left the group for an hour just to get hay from the old farm we passed by and got the horses to calm down enough to saddle them up. Granted, leaving on your own wasn't.. Very thought out. But it's because of you remembering the hay bales behind a tractor at a farm we completely ignored that we were able to get the horses at all. And you're the best sniper here. With a gun, and without. Like when you took Matt's crossbow to take out the only runner in a clicker hoard. We were all confused and a little angry even because we thought you waster an arrow. But when you explained your plan I can personally say I was blown away."

 

I remember that. We ended up stranded in a city (worst place to be in the apocalypse), and there was a hoard of clickers up ahead. They didn't hear us from so far away, but there was a runner in the hoard. Runners can see, need I remind you. If we were to even approach the hoard silently to avoid the clickers, we would have been seen by the runner, and the clickers would have followed. And me firing a gun to take out the runner would have been suicide. None of our guns have suppressors, so even if I did hit the runner and take out, the clickers would have heard the source of the gunshot and we'd have been killed. The group wanted to take a whole other route to go around them, but I decided why not? Matt's crossbow was silent, and very accurate. I took it, got to higher ground so I had a better chance of hitting it, and fired. I nailed it in the head first shot and it went down with a groan. The clickers were disturbed for a moment because of the groan, but they couldn't find the source of the fire and they calmed rather quickly. I went back to the group, explained what I did and why I did it, and we went across silently without a catch. We'd even avoided two bloaters we didn't see before. 

 

I turned my gaze back to Atlantis, running my fingers through her mane. "Yeah.. I guess that's true.. But why are you so happy about it being me?"

 

"It's not just that it's you, Lance. It's because I finally have something to hope for. We all do." She turned her gaze forward again, seeing the cabin coming closer in the distance. "When this started, we'd all hoped hospitals would have found a cure. But they never did. And eventually, I accepted the fact that there was no hope for a cure. That this was just how we'd live now. Survivors versus the infected. And in some cases the survivors versus the survivors. When you told us you were infected, the teams world shut down. We thought we'd have lost you. Keith was  _destroyed._ Hunk cried for days with Pidge and Coran. Matt and I had to try and ignore our own pain to comfort Shiro, because he had lost hope that he could continue guiding us. We all thought it was our fault you'd gotten bitten in the first place. Keith thought it was his fault because he didn't stop you from getting that hat. Shiro and I thought it was ours because he was we were the ones who sent you and Keith to the opposite side of the mall with Coran and Pidge. And they thought it was their faults because they separated from you. Hunk thought it was his because he promised nothing would happen because he thought he cleared that part of the mall. So we were all broken in our own ways that you had gotten infected.. Then you healed, and we had just another reason to want to keep you safe. I felt hope again. We _all_ felt it and it's because of you."

 

This felt like too much happening at once. This kind of personal chit chat was something I try to avoid at all costs. Not because I like whining about things or feeling shitty, but because I don't know how to respond to something so intimate. I'm used to being the one spilling everything to someone so they feel better, and to have Allura say so much good about me in such little time was insane. I could only stare blankly at her and nod. Her smile never left.

* * *

 

We make it back to the cabin shortly after, and we meet with most of the others already on their horses, save for Coran and Keith. Allura helped Coran up onto Callus and I did the same with Keith, offering him a hand and pulling him up onto the back of Atlantis.

 

"So what took you guys so long?" Keith asked as we started moving, already heading west for the university.

 

"We ended up grabbing a lot of apples." I shrugged and tapped Keith's knee before half turning to point to my backpack. "Speaking of which, can you grab two? I'm sure  _Cocoa_  and Terra would love some." I let my voice drop when I said 'Cocoa', giving Shiro and Matt a disapproving glare.

 

Keith nodded and with one arm around my waist so he didn't fall off and scare Atlantis as he unzipped my bag slightly to grab some of the small fruits. "Damn, you weren't kidding. Don't you think that's a bit much?"

 

"That's what I was thinking! Just toss some out." He handed me the two apples and I tossed one to Matt and one to Pidge, who then gave them to Shiro and Hunk to feed their horses. Meanwhile, Keith had grabbed my bag and seated it in his lap so he could sort through the apples, getting rid of the bruised ones and keeping the better ones. I'd already made sure not to grab bad ones, but if we're getting rid of some, we might as well keep only the best.

 

We rode in silence again, the only sounds being that of the horses hooves against the ground. Should I bring it up again? Allura said we'd talk about it with the group, and we're with the group now but she hasn't brought it up. Maybe she's waiting on me to start? But the silence is actually pretty nice, maybe the others want to keep it. It  _has_ been pretty stressful.. Then again, I may not get another chance to say it. Whatever, YOLO. "Hey.. Can I talk about our little 'plan'? The one where we-  _you_ guys decided to go through the hospital instead of around it? Like, something's telling me you're trying to pull some reverse Nemo shit. 'Let's go through it, not over it.' kinda deal. But instead of over it's around."

 

Shiro had tugged lightly on Cocoa's reins, making the horse slow slightly so he and Matt weren't so far ahead of the group. Hunk had copied with Terra, and Allura had made Callus speed up slightly from the back to join in.

 

"Yeah, we can answer some questions." Shiro nodded, and I continued after feeling Keith's reassuring squeeze.

 

"Why did you guys decide to go through it instead of around it? Like, when this all started, hospitals were the go to for infected. So the oldest infected would be there. Meaning bloaters and clickers. Did you look over that or..?"

 

"Maybe we can discuss this later. When we're closer to the hospital." Allura had piped in, a soft smile on her face. But despite her soft approach, I couldn't help but feel a bit peeved. "Um, no. You said I could talk when we were with the group, so I'm going to talk. I'm just saying, if we go around  _yes_ it'll add some time. But we won't have to deal with the infected on the inside. Just the few on the outside. It's a better chance than just charging into the hospital blindly-"

 

"You're not thinking that-"

 

"Shut up! You talked about it with the group first  _without me,_ when it's  _about_ me. I haven't been able to put my two cents in this whole time and I want to be able to have a say in  _something._ If we go around, we can avoid major problems and we won't be risking people's lives for a cure that probably doesn't even exist." I rose my voice, glaring over at Allura while Keith rubbed my back. Using his free hand to sling my backpack onto Atlantis again. Hunk had a sad smile on his face as he leaned over and rested a hand on my shoulder. "Hey, you need to calm down a bit man.." To which, I just sighed.

 

"Lance, the Galra went there to get their equipment. So they had to have cleared it out in order to do that. Going through it should be no problem. And we can check to see if they left anything behind, that was I can see if I can do this without their help." Allura had added on, a hint of irritation in her voice. I guess I hadn't thought of that. But there might still be infected that they ignored. I huffed and kicked Atlantis's side, making her burst into a run. Keith yelped in surprise and held tighter to me as the horse picked up speed, her powerful legs slamming against the ground as I tried to get as far away from the others as possible. 

 

I heard their yells from behind me, but it stopped shortly after. Hunk and Pidge had tried to follow, but Shiro had held a hand out to stop them, shaking his head slowly. "He needs time. This is a lot to process and right now I'm sure all he needs is some space."

 

"But Keith's with him, why can't Hunk and I be there too to help talk to him?" Pidge had inquired, raising an eyebrow as Hunk nodded enthusiastically. 

 

"Keith's with him because he just so happened to be on the back of the horse. And there's no room for him on any of ours. We'll catch up with them soon." Shiro sighed and ran a hand through his hair as Matt patted his back reassuringly. "He'll be okay.."

 

* * *

 

The next few days went by quickly for the others, but so,  _so_ slow for me. Maybe Keith too. Nothing bad happened, not too many infected, no hunters. We were doing really well. I had been avoiding the others as much as possible, even going as far as ignoring some of Keith's comments. Shiro had talked to me a bit, asking how I was doing, but I had just shook my head and let him and Keith talk. I'd had to converse with Hunk and Pidge when they were passing food around while were on horseback. It wasn't bad talking to them, they were on my side about the whole thing, same with Keith. I didn't know Shiro's stand, he seemed neutral along with Matt. 

 

But I just feel kind of useless if I'm never listened to. Most of the time, all of my comments, jokes and such are scolded or put aside. Like, I just want to make everyone feel better and I put my all into it, but I guess no one wants to hear all that from me. Keith, Hunk and Pidge are all good. Maybe Shiro, but he gets irritated with me pretty quick. Same with Allura. Coran kind of tolerates me. Hell I think that's everyone. I'm just tolerable. I frowned and looked down at the map in my hands while Keith leaned against me from behind, looking over my shoulder at the map.

 

"We're in Fieldston, if that's what you're trying to figure out. We passed the sign not too long ago."

 

"I know that jeez. I'm just looking where to go and how much farther we have." 

 

Keith hummed and pecked my neck softly. I couldn't help but return the hum and lean my head against his. At least there was Keith. I guess I feel kind of shitty for shutting him out too, which is kind of hard considering he's on the back of the same horse. But hey, I'm a stubborn guy. I can do it. I had opened up to him more yesterday, and it's been nice to have relaxed conversations with someone again without feeling the need to blow up about going through something so potentially dangerous. But I was knocked from my thoughts when I noticed a problem with the map. Or more a problem with our plan that didn't match up.

 

I slowed Atlantis and raised a hand in the air, signalling the others to come closer as I went over the map again to be sure. And there it was plain as day.

 

"What's wrong?" Shiro had rode up next to me on Cocoa with Matt, followed by the others.

 

"There are two medical centers here. There's the university of Kansas medical center, then just the Kansas medical center. Which one are we headed towards?.."

 

"Um.. Yeah that can end up being a problem.." Hunk chewed on the inside of his cheek before looking back at Allura and Coran for an answer, to which Allura looked down. 

 

"I remember something about the building looking like a giant blue and white microchip. But that's all I've got."

 

"Like that one?" Pidge pointed far ahead into the city, where we could see from our spot on a hill a massive building that did indeed look like a blue microchip. 

 

"It looks more like a mirror to me. But yeah, that's gotta be it." Keith added, raising his head off my shoulder to look.

 

"That's.. Massive." Hunk looked uneasy, fear evident in his eyes and I nodded.

 

"We can't actually be going through that, right? They couldn't have cleared out that whole thing just for supplies." I looked around at the others frantically, hoping for some back up.

 

Hunk, oh Glorious Hunk. My savoir. Knight in fine denim. "Yeah I've gotta agree with Lance. There's just too much ground to cover if we're looking for something for Allura before we even start to go through. A hospital that big had to house  _sooo_ many infected. That can't be cleared out. No way." 

 

"I'm with Hunk and Lance. We can't go through there, it's suicide. We can just go around." Pidge kept her eyes glued to the building, clinging to the back of Hunk's shirt.

 

"Same here, we have to think of another way." Keith spoke from behind me, leaning back to look at Shiro. "Shiro?.."

 

He only shook his head, looking down for a second before glancing over at Allura. "They're right, Allura. Looking at it now it's.. We can't."

 

"But we have to! I have to make sure there's some way to avoid going to the Galra about this. If we can find scanners and a generator, or anything that I can use to check Lance, I can do this without them. I don't want any of us involved with them again." She gripped Callus's reins tightly, and Coran rested a hand on her shoulder reassuringly. 

 

"Not all of the Galrans are bad.. We have Thace and Ulaz, and many others on our side to help us."

 

Allura just numbly shook her head, tapping Callus to make him move forward towards the large building and into the city. "We have to do this. I don't want to hand us all over so easily."

 

I lowered my head and kicked Atlantis lightly, making her move forward and follow Allura and Coran before I was followed by the others. Shiro rode up next to me, gripping Cocoa's reins tightly with one hand as he leaned over and patted my shoulder with his free hand. "It'll be alright. We'll all stick together so nothing happens. I promise."

 

I could only nod and lean back against Keith, who smiled at Shiro over my shoulder before I spoke up. "Hey, trade places with me, I need a nap."

 

When Keith nodded, I halted Atlantis so I could hop off of her. Keith scooted up and I got back on behind him in his previous spot so I could lean against the other with my arms around his waist. I fell asleep to Keith and Shiro quietly talking.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lmao hey guys, sorry it's late! I wanted to add more to this chapter but I figured it'd be better to just let that be a new chapter all in itself.  
> I had to do that subtle fourth wall break spare me  
> Anyways! I'll have the next chapter up soon! Please feel free to comment, I love hearing from you all and it helps encourage me to continue!


	7. Look carefully, you might miss it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Entry 7
> 
> Alright so if I'm going to be honest, I've gotta come clean completely. I'm pissed. Like. I have a very valid point! And people agree with me! That hospital is HUGE!! We can't go through that, it'd be a mad house of infected. I think we're better off with the Galra. It'd be like playing with kittens, versus swimming in a pool of glass while trying not to get cut. At all. It's impossible. So when the time comes and we see just how bad the inside is, I've just gotta voice my last piece and go the way that I think's best.

"Zarkon, our men have spotted the group from the east making their way towards us." Sendak, a tall Irish man with a patch over his eye, approached Zarkon from behind as the bigger man stared out of the window at the rotting city below. 

 

"Is it the group of our old recruits?" Zarkons voice was deep, and bone rattling with a thick Russian accent to go with it. Perfectly fitting his large body as he turned to face Sendak. A large scar stretched from his temple to his jawline, the skin visibly rough there.

 

"Yes, we've had multiple reports of each person in the group. All with great detail." Sendak kept his view on the city, seeing little figures moving through the abandoned streets. They hadn't killed the infected around the college, they served as a great defense to intruders. "They've been on the same path towards the college since our scouts found them in the east at the apartment complex. Do we want to do anything, or let them come to us?"

 

Zarkon went silent in thought, turning his gaze back out to the city as he crossed his arms over a broad chest. He nodded with a hum, glancing at Sendak from the corner of his eye.

 

"Contact Thace and have him sent out his best hunters to take care of the problem."

 

"Yes sir, I'll send out a hawk right away." And with that, Sendak left the room with a nod.

 

* * *

 

The rest of the team followed Lance's lead, all falling asleep on their horses save for Keith and Shiro. Coran was leaning against Hunk on the back of Terra, and Pidge against Allura on Callus. Matt was in that kind of state that you're not awake, but not asleep either, and he was awkwardly laying against Shiro with his mouth half open. Keith and Shiro took the reins of Terra and Callus, guiding them alongside Atlantis and Cocoa while the others slept so they didn't steer the wrong way. 

 

Keith shifted slightly, trying to find a comfortable position on the saddle while also focusing on not disturbing Lance while he slept. It was an uncomfortable shuffle, but he made do and managed to find a good position. Lance had tightened his grip slightly, but remained still otherwise. Keith looked down at Lance's arms around him, the sleeves pulled back to his elbows so he could see the bite plain as day. It wasn't pretty, and was a haunting memory of what happened, and how much worse it could have been. But it was also a massive wave or relief because the worst never happened. He let gripped both Callus's and Atlantis's reins in one hand and brushed a thumb over the bubbled over scar, reeling the rough and uneven skin under the pad of his thumb. His fingers made their way farther down the tan arm and to the bracelets that sat proudly on Lance's wrist. They were worn down quite a lot since this started, and looked ratty in a way almost. But even with Lance's constant nagging of wanting to look clean and not like a heathen, he kept them. Lance had given Keith a dog tag necklace, and that was holding up pretty well considering it was metal. It had rusted a bit around the clasp, but it wasn't going anywhere either. Keith's light purple eyes softened as he linked his free hand with Lance's without disturbing him, lacing his pale fingers with Lance's tan ones.

 

"Keith?"

 

His head bolted up suddenly, and he looked over to the source of the voice. Shiro was looking at him with knitted eyebrows and worried eyes, head lowered slightly as he spoke. "You okay? You were kind of zoning out for a sec."

 

"Yeah I'm fine, sorry. Just.. A lot's going on now ya know? More than before.."

 

Shiro smiled warmly and nodded in understanding, looking forward through the darkened streets of the abandoned highway. "I know.. The cure is right here. I hope so at least." 

 

"It's crazy.. Just a few months ago we thought we were going to lose him. We thought that there was no cure, no hope for one anymore even. And then there's  _this.._ It messes with you."

 

"Agreed." Shiro looked like he was going to talk more, but he stopped abruptly, halting Cocoa and Terra. Keith copied, stopping the horses and listening carefully now that they're not making noise walking. Sure enough, there was faint groaning in the distance, followed by high pitched clicking. "Infected.."

 

Keith turned his gaze over to Shiro, his eyebrows raised in expectation. "Do we tie the horses up here and wake the others?"

 

"Yeah, we're close enough to the hospital to walk the rest of the way to check it out, and it doesn't sound like many of them."

 

Keith nodded and stepped off of Atlantis, the movement making Lance wake and sit up, fumbling with his baseball cap. "Hmm? WHat- What's going on- Why'd we stop?? Are we there ye- MMm!" Keith clasped a hand over Lance's mouth, ignoring the other's tongue prod the palm of his hand to try and get it off. He brought a finger to his lips and Lance blinked in confusion for a moment, still in a sleepy daze. After a couple of seconds though, he got the memo and nodded, and Keith removed his hand. Lance slid off of Atlantis and grabbed her reins, moving her to the nearest tree and tying her there loosely so she doesn't run off without a proper reason. As the others woke up, they did the same, Hunk tying up Terra, Shiro tying Cocoa, and Pidge tying Callus. Everyone was sleepy and dazed, but they've gotten used to a routine like this, so it wasn't that big of a deal.

 

* * *

I yawned, and stiffled the noise with my hand, reaching my arms in the air afterwards while bending back to get a good stretch. I was having a nice dream and then of fucking course infected had to come around and screw that up. As per usual.

 

A large bird flew above us, screeching as it carried on in its path. It was late, but i could make out the shape enough to know it was a hawk. Don't know what kind though. It doesn't matter though, just a bird. Shiro had called the group over with a wave if his hand, and everyone gathered. Hunk looked about ready to pass out as I stood by him. He'd gotten plenty of sleep, just like the rest of us who had taken the time to nap. But it's hard just waking up and doing this kind of thing. Even if you've had practice.

 

"Alright," Shiro started, voice low so any nearby infected won't hear. Some are silent, so you've always gotta be prepared. "Matt and I'll shiv the clickers, and if there are any bloaters like Lance said earlier, he'll take them out with Matt's crossbow, along with any far gone clickers. Remember, we're bound to start seeing them soon now that we're this close to the hospital, so be wary. Keith, you and Hunk'll take out the runners. Coran, Pidge, and Allura'll stay back in case something happens so they can help. Understood?"

 

"There was a collective nod, and I yawned again as I stood. I was still barefoot, so I walked over to Atlantis to grab my bag and shoes. As I approached her though I stepped in a deep puddle and grimaced, sticking my tongue out as I shook the mud off. Pidge walked up behind me with a smirk on her lips as she passed, going around the puddle and grabbing mine and Keith's bags for me. 

 

"Way to go genius." I just rolled my eyes and stepped away from the puddle and to a nearby rock. Pidge followed, sitting by me on the room left over on the rock while i slipped my socks and boots on. 

 

"Oh don't be an ass. You're still stuck in the back while I get to show off my skills. You get to be an innocent bystander to view my incredible abilities." I got an elbow to the ribs at that, but we both laughed softly.

 

"Whatever, being in the back's the most important part anyways. So that way if you fuck up I get to step in and fix your mistakes." Pidge cocked an eyebrow, fixing her cracked glasses.

 

"Touché, pidgeotto." She rolled her eyes and stood up with me, and she grabbed Keith's back pack for me while I slid mine over my shoulders. We walked by each other as I approached Matt, grinning wide despite the tense atmosphere of facing infected. "Hey bigger Pidge, crossbow?"

 

"Yeah, yeah. Here ya go  _sharpshooter."_ Matt grinned and handed the crossbow over along with a few arrows. "Don't miss, arrows are hard to fix if they hit solid ground."

 

"Geez, have some faith in me Matt." We smiled at each other and he patted my shoulder as Pidge and I walked onward. I loaded the crossbow and nodded at Shiro to signal I was ready. Turns out they were waiting on me. Ha oops, sorry. Pidge handed Keith's bag to him as we started walking in the direction of the infected. 

 

It was nerve wracking ya know? You may or may not be looking your death in the face. In the end though, it is what it is. Once we got close enough that the infected were in sight, we knelt down in the tall grass, listening to Shiro as he spoke. 

 

"Okay team, Lance's first shot will be out cue to go in. The two runners will be distracted by the downed bloater. That's when Keith and Hunk'll go in and take them out and Matt and I'll go around and handle the other clickers. Pidge, Coran, and Allura, be ready for everything. We'll need you if something happens."

 

We all nodded and as I stood up to make my way around the hoard, the group stayed low to the ground and gave their silent wishes of good luck. As I passed silently through the grass, Keith squeezed my thigh and smiled at me softly, mouthing 'be safe'. I nodded and knelt down with him to give him a quick kiss on the cheek before Hunk shoved me, rolling his eyes and pointing to a broken building close by. Alright, that's be a good vantage point I guess. The view might be obstructed by some rubble, but it shouldn't be too bad. I nod at Hunk and with a pat to his back, I hook the crossbow over my back pack and run quietly through the grass towards the rotting building. 

 

I kept as quiet as possible, and sure enough, there was the deep, terrifying clicking groan of a bloater. It sounded far away, but close at the same time. Probably echoing off the building. Once I entered the building, it was incredibly dark. So I reached up onto the sleeve of the backpack and switched on my flashlight. When I saw the scenery before me I didn't know whether to scream, cry, or vomit. Maybe all of the above? I don't know. 

 

There were bodies everywhere, littering the ground and on once white beds all around the room. The hospital must have ran out of room and put other sick patients here. The smell was revolting, rotting flesh the only scent in the whole area. I stepped over a corpse of a woman, the skin of her cheeks sunk in, and her eyes rotted out of her skull. Flies were everywhere, the buzzing always there faintly as I made my way through to the stairs. Looking for equipment here would prove useless, it'd all be dirty, or coated in spore veins.

 

It was only as I started up the stairs that I noticed the difference in the air despite the smell. It felt dry, and scratchy, and I knew it was the spores from the veins on the wall that pulsed grossly. I swear those things are alive. My fingers gripped the railing of the staircase tightly, and I kept my feet close to the wall as I went up the stairs. The stairs rot in the places most used, and no one really steps close to the wall, and instead down the middle. So I had more support, and less of a chance of falling through the floors.

 

Once I got to the third and final floor, I climbed the ladder up to the roof and knelt down to approach the edge of the building quieter. I gripped the crossbow and pulled it off my back and looked down, searching for the others. I found them when a knife flashed in the moonlight a few times. That's the signal that they were okay and to help me find where they were. I clicked the switch of my flashlight on my chest a few times to signal back. 

 

It wasn't long until I saw the bloater, but I couldn't help noticing it sounded different that the groaning I heard earlier. Higher pitched, and more clicking. I clicked the flashlight on and off again four times, signalling an issue. And I waited for a flash to continue. Then I clicked it five times to signal that I was going into morse code. I got another flash encouraging me to continue, and I started clicking once more. 

 

"-......-.. .-.-.. ..--- -....-..---.--..-...." (There are two bloaters)

 

Silence followed as they pieced together that I signaled, and instead of a knife signal, I got a flashlight from the tall grass a bit behind the knife. Probably Coran.

 

"......- -..... ----.. -.-..-..---.......- ---- ..-... ..-....-....-" (Hit the one closest to us first)

 

I clicked the light once in agreement and aimed at the bloater closest to the group. I closed one eye and pointed to the center of the bloaters protective plates. You can't hit it in the facial plates, nothing can get through that, you have to hit the area it sprouts from to get through to the head. I breathed in deep, and with a steady hand, fired the arrow through the thin opening. I watched the bloater flail for a few seconds before it fell to the ground in a crazed, twitching heap. The clickers in the nearest vicinity clicked wildly, and the runners bolted around, gripping their hair and screaming frantically. The second bloater began stomping towards the group, as that was the direction the other bloater fell, and I got multiple flashes to hurry up. I didn't bother answering and loaded the crossbow again and aimed as best as I could at the second. He was moving too much, and I just barely missed the first time, the arrow bouncing off the plate on it's face. It clicked angrily with a pained groan and I let myself fall into the need to understand and answer. 

 

_It's okay, it's just rubble._ I clicked back, voice hitching strangely to answer it's call. The bloater stopped moving towards the group, and the other clickers and runners calmed quickly. 

 

".--.....-- .--.-... -....--" (What was that?)

 

I don't answer, and aim again. Now that the bloater was still once more, I had no issue hitting it between the plates to take it down just like the first one. The rest of the team moved into their positions. Shiro and Matt taking down the clickers with shivs, and Hunk and Keith made their ways behind the two runners to take them out from behind. However, a clicker was forgotten by Matt, and was approaching behind Keith quickly, screeching and flailing. No amount of my clicking calmed it though and just in time, Allura pounced. She slammed her foot into the back of it's legs and forced it to the ground, where she slammed her bat into it's skull a few times. With a sigh of relief, I made my way back down through the building down to the group.

 

"Holy fuck man that was insane! Allura came in all ho-ha-cha! And-... Guys?.."

 

As I stepped back out into the moonlight, in an instant there was a gun to my temple. I heard the safety click off, and I dropped the crossbow to the ground, holding my hands up slowly. I looked over the others in the group, trying to read them. Some were scared, some angry, and others looked betrayed.

 

"You're a stalker, Lance. You fucking talked to infected."

 

Now knowing the source of the voice and the gun to my head, I let out a strained chuckle, voice hitching in fear despite my best efforts. "Come on Allura.. You know me, I'd have left if I was a stalker and gone far away. And if I didn't do that you'd already be dead." 

 

Apparently that wasn't the right thing to say, because the gun to my head cocked. All that was left was a pull to the trigger. "No! No, no, no I swear I'm fine!! I just understand them!"

 

"But you responded. Perfectly. You sounded  _just_ like a damn clicker." Keith approached Allura slowly, hands up with a worried expression on his face.

 

"Allura, he's right. You know that. Stalkers don't wait. They're quick to trick people and kill them. He stayed in the room obediently, didn't try to make us let him out."

 

Hunk joined in from his spot a few feet away, raising a finger as he spoke. "He also had every opportunity to not tell us that there was a second bloater. And to let it kill us."

 

Shiro came forward with Keith, and carefully took that hand Allura had on the gun. I shook violently, quite literally scared for my life. Shiro managed to take the gun from her fingers and slid it into his holster. "It's not insane, he  _was_ infected. Maybe he just kept the vocal cord changes."

 

Allura seemed to ponder this and nod, face going solemn as I met her gaze. "I guess that's true.. Sorry I'm just paranoid.."

 

I shook my head and managed a smile. I know what she feels like, we all do. There's no problem with being cautious, it's never stopped us anyways. "It's fine, just next time, try talking to me before you put a gun to my head. I was  _busy_ being the teams hype man."

 

Allura's guilt seemed to diminish slightly at that, and she rolled her eyes, nudging me with her elbow. "Well maybe it was fate telling you to shut up."

 

"Rude." I stuck my tongue out and turned away, handing the crossbow back to Matt as I approached Keith, may hands gripping his upper arms tightly as I looked him over. "You're okay, right? I saw the clicker coming towards you up there, it didn't touch you right?"

 

"No Lance, I'm fine. Allura got it before it could get too close. And the runner I had was already down so even if it got close I could have handled it if necessary." Keith shrugged my hands off his arms and he gripped my hands tightly, running his thumbs over my knuckles as I nodded. "Don't worry too much okay? It was just one clicker. You took care of the big guys."

 

" _Speaking of which,_ you missed and ruined an arrow." Matt lightly punched my shoulder from behind and I turned around with an agitated groan, flailing my arms at my sides like noodles.

 

"Oh come on! It was moving too fast! And I hit it's plates, not straight into the ground. It'll be an easy fix. I'll handle it after the hospital."

 

"As if you'd know how to fix it." Matt rolled his eyes with a grin, turning away from me. I kept quiet about the small pang of pain in my chest at that sentence, and instead laced my fingers with Keiths and made my way over to Allura and Shiro who had started talking again.

 

"So Pidge and Coran should be back momentarily with other details, but I wanted to avoid the main entrance because I feel like that'd house too many infected if there even are any to worry about." Allura said, and I took in a quick breath, just now noticing the sudden absence of Coran and Pidge. 

 

"Allura.. Where are they?" I tried to keep calm, but I felt anger bubbling in my chest already. They'd sent them away? Pidge is too small to handle a bloater if there's one I missed, and Coran is a bit too old to be exerting himself with a fight.

 

"I just sent them around the back of the hospital to see if they can find a back entrance so we don't have to go through the main entrance. It'll be fine, they're both more than capable of taking care of themselves in an accident."

 

"Yeah but that doesn't mean they  _should_!" And with that I ran, shoving my way through Allura and Shiro towards the hospital. "You could be sending them to fucking  _die_!"

 

This time, they didn't follow. I only heard Hunk and Keith call my name as I ran. Infected be damned, we agreed to always travel in groups of three. SO if one gets hurt, one can stay with the injured person, and the other can get help. As I approached the building, I recognized Pidge in a heartbeat, and Coran appearing behind her as they made their way casually around the back of a semi. "Lance?" Pidge tilted her head and Coran raised an eyebrow as I halted in front of them. 

 

"Oh my god are you guys okay? Were there infected? Hunters? Oh damn it cannibals are near this area were there any of  _those_ ??" I circled Pidge a few times, raising her arms and looking everywhere possible for any bites or injuries, and repeating the process with Coran.

 

"Lance we're fine! It's okay! Calm down, alright? We just came by to look for a back entrance." Coran spoke as he gently swatted me away, patting my shoulder as the others from the group approached.

 

"No I know that! Damn it why doesn't anyone ever just  _listen_ to me!? This is a  _hospital,_ where the infected all went at the beginning of this shit to try and get cured. This could be the most heavy infected population we've ever seen and you two were just  _sent here_ and everybody's all walking around nonchalantly like nothing bad like that can happen!" My hands balled into fists at my sides as I turned around, facing the others. I didn't look at one single person, but instead flicked my gaze over all of them. "I'm fucking tired of being ignored! I'm not stupid! You're all making this seem like a walk in the park when someone can literally die! 'Oh don't worry Lance! That can never happen to us! We're a team and we stick together so nothing bad can happen!' Because yeah, we're all suddenly five years old again and all we have to worry about is what time we have to be home for dinner. Or what shoes go with which jacket! I'm tired of all this team bullshit! It's not like that anymore and you're pretending it is!" My heart hammered in my chest as I carded my fingers through my hair, tugging harshly. 

 

Shiro put his hands out in front of him and slowly walked towards me, eyebrows knitting as he chewed on his lip. "Lance, you need to calm down and lower your voice-"

 

"No! Because if I quiet down again I'll never be heard! This is the only way anyone ever listens to what I have to say, and even that's not good enough because I did this just a little bit ago to say something about the hospital like this. But look where we are! It's happening again!" A loud clicking came from two directions. One on each side behind me. Shiro backed up from me and went to grab his pistol from his belt but I beat him to it. I pulled out my revolver and without taking my eyes off of the others, I fired once left, then once right, taking out both clickers with two shots.

 

The others watched the infected drop to the ground, and after hearing silence for a few more seconds after the bang of the revolver, we knew no other infected were close by outside. I continued, reloading the two empty slots in my revolver as I spoke. "You know, whats the point of me staying with you guys if I'm never going to be listened to? Working with the Galra for something so important to the whole fucking world should be enough to get past the grudge you all have against them. At least long enough to get something out of someone as stupid as me right? So go ahead, you can all risk your lives in that hospital for someone you only viewed as an equal once they had something you wanted. I mean come on. In one day, I've gotten into two or three fights like this with you, I've saved your asses from bloaters, and in return I get a gun to the head and you all walk on eggshells around me like I'm about to rip into your throats like one of those mindless freaks!" I gestured to one of the downed infected with my revolver as I started backing away from the group. "Sad thing is, this is the most you've all talked to me in years.."

 

My voice dropped as I switched the safety on, and I put my fingers to my lips and whistled loudly before slipping the revolver into it's holster on the side of my backpack. "Well guess what, I'm done! I'm done.." My eyes lowered to the ground as Atlantis galloped towards me, having tugged hard enough on her reins to untie herself from the loose loop I tied her with to the tree. I gripped her saddle and hoisted myself up before hooking my backpack on her hip, reaching a hand down to the others. "Come on Hunk, we're leaving."

 

However, Hunk didn't come towards me, and instead shoved his hands in his pockets and looked away guiltily. My eyebrows knitted and I stared at him for a few more seconds, all hope gone as the silence carried on and he shook his head. "Alright, Keith?.."

 

Keith looked at me with sad eyes, opening his mouth like he was going to say something but instead he shook his head as well, snapping his mouth shut. I get the familiar pang of pain in my chest, but it quickly reverted back into an angry numbness. I gripped Atlantis's reins tightly with both hands, looking at her mane as I guided her back a bit from the others. "Fine.. I don't need you anyways."

 

Shiro walked towards me, placing his prosthetic hand on Atlantis's neck and looking up at me solemnly. "By doing this, you're choosing to be alone Lance.."

 

"Don't do this.." Pidge spoke from behind Shiro, but I only shook my head and pulled Atlantis away from Shiro's touch.

 

"What's the difference? My opinions were always brushed aside, and you only used me to keep you guys safe from infected. And now you're using me for a cure too. Not being listened to is the equivalent to being alone. So there's no difference. I'll be better off without people who use me." And with that, I kicked Atlantis's side and rode off onto the highway and towards the university. I hoped to maybe hear someone say 'wait' or call my name, but nothing came. I leaned forward and hugged Atlantis's neck tight, the tears I had previously been holding back freely running down my cheeks.

 

Whatever, they'll be better off without me.

* * *

 

Shiro stood stalk still, watching as Lance's form disappeared on the back of the horse he rode. "He'll turn back.. He's got to."

 

Hunk walked over to Shiro, placing a hand on his friends shoulder. "Shiro, he's not turning back."

 

"You don't know that." Shiro swallowed, hands gripping his upper arms as Lance completely disappeared from sight.

 

"Yes, I do. I know him, Shiro." Hunk pulled his hand away, and turned towards Keith when he spoke.

 

"I should have gone with him.. Damn it now he's alone out there!" Keith ran up to Shiro, eyes watering as he gripped the front of Shiro's shirt with one hand and pointed in Lances direction with the other. "Shiro, we have to go after him!"

 

"We can't, we need to look in the hospital for a scanner first." Allura said, walking up to Keith, Shiro, and Hunk. Keith just rose his eyebrows, waving his hands in the direction of Lance. 

 

"Why? Really Allura why? We don't have the person we needed anymore to scan, so what's the point? It's because of your unneeded insistent ass that he's gone!" Keith jabbed a finger into Allura's chest, and Coran stepped up, pushing Keith away from Allura. 

 

"That's no way to talk to her! We're doing this just in case Lance comes back and the Galra didn't help."

 

Keith glared at Coran and rose his voice, brows knitting as Shiro held his shoulders to keep him from lashing out physically. "No way to talk to who? A 'lady'? I don't give a shit if she's a lady! She fucking scared Lance off! And you guys said it yourself. If it doesn't work it'll be because they'll think he's crazy and shoot him!"

 

"Keith, breathe. He's right Allura. And if it's not the Galra that get to him it'll be cannibals or hunters." Shiro pressed his thumbs into Keith's shoulders, rolling them in small circles to help relieve knots. He glanced over at Allura, who ran her hands through her hair and turned away, contemplating everything.

 

"Alright.. But when we find him and if he didn't get what we wanted from the Galra, we come back here and search. Agreed?"

 

The others nodded, and they all whistled for their horses. Keith however, walked away from the group, his horse was taken with Lance. He stood by the broken down semi and leaned against the hood, playing with his dog tags subconsciously. He'd just hitch a ride with Pidge and Allura on Callus. 

* * *

 

I had rode until the sun started rising into the city, where I tugged lightly on Atlantis's reins to slow her down. There was a clang behind me, and I briefly wondered if the others had followed me. Hopeful, I stepped off of Atlantis and towards the sound, being as quiet as possible in case it was infected. 

 

When I got to the area of the sound though, there was just a chunk of metal. I frowned and turned around, and in an instant someone had a tight grip around my throat with their elbow.

 

"Allura!? Come on we wen't over this! You guys followed me?"

 

"Of course we followed you."

 

 _That's not Allura-_ I felt my heart stop in my chest, and the world around me zeroed in on the girl that stepped in front of me, her long blond braided hair making me immediately recognize who these people were.

 

"Nyma, Rolo.. Nice seeing you again.."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! If you made it this far in the story congrats! You've handled piles after piles of shit lmao.  
> But I've been realizing I really need a beta! So if any of you are interested, you can message me on Tumblr or comment below! Tumblr would be preferred, but whatever floats your boat.  
> My tumblr is below if you'd like to hit me up there!  
> Anyways! Thank you guys so much! I love reading all of your comments, they encourage me so much to continue. I hope you're having a lovely week!


	8. To the end of the world and back again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Entry 8
> 
> Oh boy..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, two things.  
> 1) We get to see a bit of Shiro's perspective on Keith and Lance this chapter. Like I said. VERY slow burn.  
> 2) I changed the archive warnings. Don't hate me.

"Nyma, Rolo.. Nice seeing you again.." 

 

I grunted as Rolo's arm around my neck tightened. Not enough to restrict air flow, but enough to make me wish I had more to try and calm my racing heart.

 

"Isn't it? We came out here with orders to grab all of your crew, but with you I'm sure they're bound to follow us to get you." Rolo chuckled in my ear, pressing a blade to my outer thigh and pressing. It cut through the fabric of my grey jeans easily, and had the same luck with my skin.  _Orders?.._

 

"Who's orders?.." I shifted slightly, pretending to try and get comfortable when I was really testing Rolo's grip. At the small movement, the blade to my thigh plunged deeper, and I would have screamed if not for Nyma's hand quickly covering my mouth. Well there goes the plan of running, can't run with a fucked over leg.

 

"No funny business, Lance. We know all of your tricks. We trained together remember? All of your hearty little group did." Nyma spoke, removing her hand. I bit my lip to try and stifle any noises of pain as the blade moved minutely inside my thigh. Blood quickly flowed from the wound, staining my jeans horribly and dripping down under the loose fabric. Yeah whatever, I know yours too asshole.

 

"As for orders, it's just your old buddy Thace. You know, the one you abandoned in the hoard a year back?" 

 

 _So they believed it.._ I faked surprise and fear, letting loose a little whine. "He didn't die?.."

 

"No thanks to your scared asses. He got out with minor injuries and he's been keeping watch on all of you ever since." Nyma pulled her hair over her shoulder, and with a few pats to her leg, their German pinscher Beezer padded over carrying a small satchel. Nyma took the satchel and after digging around, tossed Rolo some black duct tape. 

 

"Whatever, none of this'll matter anyways. I left the group, the others won't follow me. So in the end you'd only be delivering a piece of what Thace ordered." I retorted, brows furrowing as I glared at Nyma.

 

"Oh don't worry, they'll follow. We've been watching you for a little while, you've got a nice set of pipes. We heard you from the other side of the hospital, so they'll have more than enough reasons to follow when they hear you." With that, Rolo twisted the blade sharply and tore it backwards, severing all tendons in its path and sending white hot pain through my body. I shrieked as the assaulted leg went limp and I fell to my knees. Rolo pulled my hands behind my back and bound my forearms together with the duct tape. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I panted wildly, looking up at Nyma who only smiled and walked up to me. She slammed the hilt of her rifle into my temple, and everything went black.

* * *

 

The teams heads whipped to the side as they mounted their horses, hearing the distant scream. Keith stood motionless at the side of Cocoa, a hand on her saddle as he looked towards the source of the sound. Hunk broke the eerie silence that followed, gripping Terra's reins tightly. "Oh man, ooooh man, oh man. Was that Lance? That was Lance wasn't it? We've gotta hurry." 

 

Allura looked down at Callus's mane, and Pidge gripped her waist from behind. "All I had to do was listen to him, this is my fault.."

 

Pidge shook her head, tightening her hold on Allura's waist. "No, it's not your fault. Your reasons were justified, both parties were. Lance was upset that he wasn't being heard, and the bad ties we've had with the Galra made everyone want to stay away from them. We all had our reasons." Matt shifted behind Pidge, humming agreement. The three were situated on the back of Callus because he was the groups largest horse and could easily hold the three people.

 

"I guess that's true.." Allura sighed and looked up, meeting Shiro's gaze and nodding. "Alright, lets go."

 

With that Shiro lowered a hand down to Keith, who still stood motionlessly. "Hey.. Come on we gotta go."

 

Keith frowned and gripped Shiro's hand, hoisting himself up onto the back of Cocoa and leaning forward into Shiro's back. Shiro kicked Cocoa's side twice, and the horse broke into a gallop, as did the others. Keith gripped Shiro's waist tightly as the horse picked up speed, chin locked onto the others shoulder. Cocoa was the second fastest of the four horses the group had, Atlantis being the fastest. So now Cocoa was in the front of the others, leading them across the abandoned freeway quickly towards the city.

 

The university could be seen from their place on the highway. It was small from his far out, but identifiable nonetheless. It looked like a small castle. However, none of that mattered right now to either Keith or Shiro. Or anyone in the group really. All they knew was that was the direction they were headed. Lance had screamed and for all they knew, it could already be too late.

 

Keith bit his lip and screwed his eyes shut tightly, speaking loud enough to be heard over the galloping hooves of the horses. "What do we do if he's not okay?.."

 

His body tensed at the question, but Shiro answered quick and sharp. He kept his gaze on the road in front of him as he gripped the reins tightly as he spoke through gritted teeth. "He'll be fine."

 

"But what if he's not, Shiro? What do we do? We might be too late-" Keith leaned his forehead against Shiro's shoulder, nose pressed tight to the crook of the others neck as he took a deep breath to try and calm himself. "He might be gone already and we just- we  _let it happen.."_

 

Shiro sighed and his shoulders loosened again, chest rising and falling with his breaths. "Look I.. I-I don't know Keith.. If it's too late, it's too late. There'll be nothing we can do. He's more than likely injured based on the scream, but he might not be dead. If he was bit by an infected, we know he'll be fine. But there's the chance that the infected decided to actually eat instead of just bite."

 

"Wow you're reassuring." Keith deadpanned, trying to be strong despite the obvious crack in his voice from fear. 

 

"Aren't I? I'm just a big ol' ray of sunshine." Shiro chuckled softly and looked down at the hands gripping his waist. Those hands used to be so much smaller.. Little chubby sausage fingers would grab for a cup on the counter and it'd just fall over and spill all over Keith and the floor. Shiro would have to grab Keith's forearm and drag him away from the mess before an adult caught them dicking around in the kitchen during a play date. The same hands that grew bigger and gripped Shiro's shirt the day Keith had lost everything at 15 and Shiro had taken him into his apartment. The fingers that once held blunts between the first and middle finger, while Shiro sat across from Keith holding a cold bottle of bourbon. A fist that had found his cheek when they fought, and the same hands that pulled Shiro forward into the tightest hug Keith could manage after the strike. Hands that fidgeted when Keith first introduced Lance to Shiro back at the college. Fingers that slipped him a note a few days later saying _"I think I like him"._ The hands that pulled him from a hoard of infected, and took Shiro's arm to save his life. The hands that were now wrapped tight around his waist and trembling in fear. 

 

It's eerie thinking about how much everyone has been through, but there's a newer feeling indescribable by words thinking about what had an impact on today. A feeling that made you want to be happy, because you've been through so much, and you obviously made it this far. But this nerve wracking feeling that slowly starts breaking you takes over, because  _you've been through so much._ It could have been so much better. Shiro could have gone to Japan with Keith and would have been able to tell him something he'd been rehearsing in his head for months. Hunk would have gone to Hawaii for a week with his sister before heading back home to Samoa for the rest of summer break. Allura and Coran could have stayed with their bar and Allura could have become a doctor. Pidge and Matt could have helped Samuel and Colleen on the farm. And Lance would have been able to go back to Cuba to visit his family.

 

This all starting had hit Lance the hardest out of the group. Yes everyone was effected, the world was rotting around them after all. But Lance had found only days after the infection became world wide that Cuba was in ruins. His whole known family had gathered, and even a few new cousins he'd only heard of, for a family reunion. He was supposed to be on the plane to Cuba that night after the bar, and instead was stranded in America and hearing that all of Cuba was destroyed. There weren't even any infected anymore, they'd all had a neurological malfunction, and the infected went for each others throats. It was a country made entirely of bodies. Lance had gone completely silent once he found out. Only talking when they were clearing out infected. Even then it was a quick 'yes', 'no', and 'clear'.

 

It was probably around this time the group had started to separate from Lance and focus on each other more. You can't really connect or bond with someone if they don't talk with you, ya know? It's now that Shiro realizes it was almost entirely the groups fault for Lance feeling useless. They'd never really tried to emphasize how much he was needed. Lance had gotten so good at hiding his pain that it had become nearly impossible to tell when he was feeling bad about himself. Ad he hid them because every time he tried approaching someone about it, he got "the talk". You know, the "everyone's feeling shitty", "You're not the only one", "we've all lost people", and of course, "No one cares, Lance". And now, they were paying the price.

 

In fact, Lance had gotten so good at hiding his feelings, that not even the people that knew him inside and out could tell something was wrong. Hunk and Pidge caught on so rarely, and even when they asked if he was okay, Lance would put on a mask so perfect and believable, they'll believe he was fine. It;s only now that the group's seeing how much Lance lied through his teeth about being okay so no one would scold him for it. He'd grown to believe he was weak and a burden. Looking for any real sign Lance wasn't feeling great was impossible.

 

It was like looking for the invisible.

 

Listening for the inaudible.

 

It's when you get so frustrated that you can't find anything, even after you've looked in every nook and cranny twice that you give up out of anger. And that had resulted in giving up on Lance and moving on.

 

Shiro gripped Cocoa's reins tightly with a deep inhale, and loosened his fingers with his slow breath out. Keith's grip on Shiro's waist had suddenly tightened, and Shiro ran a thumb over Keith's knuckles. He was no doubt thinking about what Lance had said before he left. _"Fine... I don't need you anyways."_  Keith wasn't the only one having a hard time with the sudden loss of Lance though. And neither was Shiro. Pidge and Hunk had been silent, sitting with their heads down the whole ride. Thin trails of tears leaving clean lines over their dirty cheeks. Allura and Coran were talking about something, but it was impossible to tell over the sounds of the horses running over the city streets. And Matt had been clinging to his cross bow since Lance had rode off.

 

Lance really didn't know how much he was loved, and that was probably the worst part of all of this. He may have lost his blood family, but he didn't realize he had made a new one with the team. No one was taking it well that he was gone. Keith loved him greatly, the whole team knew that. And Lance loved Keith just the same. Hunk, Matt and Pidge were Lance's best friends, and they're feeling so much regret that they couldn't show that more. Allura's consulting Coran about how much she feels she fucked up. She _knows_ it's because she was too hard on Lance's opinions, and never gave him time to speak his mind. However, Shiro loved Lance too, just the way Keith does. And he has these same feelings for Keith as well. 

 

For Keith, these started long before this whole shit storm. But Shiro kept everything to himself out of anxiety and fear that Keith only saw him as a brother. Then Lance sowed up at the college as an exchange student and he gravitated towards the Cuban boy too. But when Keith told Shiro that he liked Lance, Shiro knew better than to take that opportunity from the other. And now that they're together, Shiro's been doing a pretty good job at suppressing these feelings. He was no homewrecker. 

 

He was knocked from his thoughts by two things. A puddle of fresh blood on the asphalt, and a messenger hawk in the sky. He tugged on Cocoa's reins to make her stop, and everyone copied. Some looking up at the hawk as it flew towards the college, and others looking at the puddle of deep red. The liquid left a very obvious trail headed west. There were three sets of feet, one set of dog tracks, and one set of horse tracks replacing the feet soon. Only those linked with the Galra have messenger hawks. And only hunters had dogs. The pattern on the hawks tail could be made out easily though, and the team relaxed a bit. It was Thace's hawk. However, after a few more moments of piecing the scene together again, everyone tensed once more.

 

It was no doubt Nyma, Rolo, and Beezer. They would have covered their tracks if they didn't want to be followed. The team knew them well, had trained with them when they had teamed up with the Galra in their time of need. Meaning they knew the hunters well enough to know they'd cover their tracks. They were pro's, and Thace's best set of hunters. 

 

Some members of the team didn't know how to feel, but no one spoke their opinions for a few minutes. That was until Keith spoke up. 

 

"This is a trap. It's gotta be. We need to find another way."

 

"We can't, we might be too late if we go around. Look at the ground man, that's a bit too much blood loss for one person. He could already be too far gone to help himself." Hunk spoke up, looking Keith in the eye.

 

"Hunk's right, we have to do this. Trap or not it's still Lance, and he needs us now more than ever." Pidge nodded, and the group looked to Shiro for a final opinion.

 

Shiro looked toward the college. By horse, it wasn't but a little under an hour away. He nodded finally, storm cloud eyes following the trail. "Alright. Let's do this."

* * *

 

Nyma unloaded Lance from the back of Atlantis, pulling him off the horse from his lying position and forcing him onto the ground forcefully. Rolo took the job of tying Atlantis to a light post tightly just outside of the college entrance. Lance was still out cold, and disturbingly pale. Luckily though, he was breathing. Rolo had bound Lance's hands behind his back with duct tape, and used rope to tie off blood flow just above Lance's wound in his leg so he didn't bleed out. They just needed enough to make the Voltron members follow. Now the hunters waited as Beezer ran inside to get Thace.

 

"You think they really won't follow? Like Lance said?" Nyma looked over at Rolo, playing with her dreads.

 

"Of course they will. They're all too caring not to. It'll get them killed at some point, but it'll keep us alive. If they don't, Thace'll hang us by our toes over a hoard of clickers." Rolo spoke, leaning against the street lamp by Atlantis. When Nyma didn't respond, Rolo continued. "Don't worry, they'll follow. If one follows, they all do." 

 

Seconds later, Beezer ran out next to them all, sitting by Lance with a paw up as Thace walked out with Ulaz following by his side. Thace was an American man, unlike Zarkon and Sendak who were Russian and Irish. He had one pale green eye and one pale grey eye with a scar over it. He also had bright blonde hair tied into a pony tail that sat low on his head.

 

"Good to see you managed to get one. Are the others on their way?" Thace said as he approached Lance, picking the unconscious boy and throwing him over his shoulder. Lance groaned, but other than that remained silent and motionless. 

 

"Yes, they should be here soon." Rolo replied, and Nyma approached Thace as she spoke. "Is there anything you wanted us to do about it?"

 

"Yes, tell the sentries to let them past, and make sure they know to come up to my office. Other than that, leave it to me to report to Zarkon."

 

They nodded and made their way into the building to radio all of the sentries to not attack the group that will be approaching shortly. Thace breathed out a sigh of relief and began up the stairs into the building and to the only working elevator so he could get up to his office. Upon entering the elevator and the doors closing, he set Lance down on the cold tile, looking him over with worry and mumbling to himself. "I told you all not to come back unless it was an emergency.. What the hell were you thinking?.." 

 

He'd looked over Lance as much as he could before he got to his office, where he picked lance up and lied him on the wood floors behind his desk to look him over more efficiently. When he removed the boys jacket though did he flinch and step back. Lance was bit. Was this a set up? No, it can't be. When he looked at the wound closer, he ran a finger over the scarred area and found that it was healed completely. This was months old. Immediately he caught on to the groups intentions and nodded to himself as he went to remove the rest of Lance's clothes and replace it with a white hospital robe.

 

Thace lied Lance on a hospital bed and had began wheeling him into one of the areas they've modified to be a operating room. There was a working CT scanner and Thace transferred Lance to the other bed before switching the machine on and strapping Lance down. When he went into the machine, pictures started appearing quickly on the screen of his brain activity. There wasn't a lot going on at the moment, as the boy was unconscious, but there was a massive area where the plates began to grow. Plates on the brain meant infected most of the time, but it seems the growths inside of him mutated and now work as an immunity in his systems. 

 

As he looked over the images, a figure approached behind him, and light chuckling filled the room. "Look at what you found.. Incredible, Thace." 

 

Thace's breath caught in his throat and he turned around, not prepared to see Haggar behind him with a smirk on her face. "You're back already? Weren't you supposed to be back tomorrow?"

 

"There were complications with cannibals up north and we had to make our way back here to regroup. But now it seems we have something much more valuable than some antibiotics." She walked over to Lance as the machine stopped, and she looked over the mark on his arm with pure interest. "Astonishing.. Thace, contact Sendak and have him prepped for surgery. I want this done as soon as possible."

 

All Thace could do was nod as Haggar stepped out of the room to get her materials readied so she could preform on Lance. Once she was down the hall and out of the way, he reluctantly made a call to Sendak to have him come to the operating room. And after that, he was on his way to his office. He'd seen the group enter the building as he lied Lance down earlier, and they were bound to be in his office waiting.

 

Once he entered the area, he found he wasn't wrong. All members were there eagerly waiting on his arrival. Shiro was the first to approach him from across the room, looking over his shoulder to try and see if Lance was there behind him. "Where's Lance? Did you get him?" 

 

Thace nodded and closed the door, and when he turned around and walked further into his office he saw two sentries with the group. Thace cleared his throat and motioned for them to leave, but they stood firm in their spots. "We've been ordered by Haggar to stay here and make sure they don't try to interfere."

 

"They won't, I assure you. Now leave us." Thace reassured them through clenched teeth. This isn't how this is supposed to go at all. 

 

"I'm afraid we can't. We are to stay at your side until the surgery is complete."

 

The group seemed to flinch at the word "surgery", and I couldn't help the intense pang of guilt.

 

"Thace, what do they mean surgery?" Allura spoke up, the rest of the team murmuring among themselves.

 

"He's being put under so we can extract the cure from him." The group before Thace sighed in relief, but the statement that came next made Thace tense.

 

"We need to see him." Keith pitched in, shoving his way through the group.

 

"I'm afraid you can't. You can't interfere with the surgery."

 

"No just let us see him, we don't even need to talk to him yet, we can wait for that until after the surgery." Hunk's brows were furrowed as he looked at Thace, his worry evident.

 

Thace seemed to ponder for a moment. Haggar knows they're here, so what's so bad about asking if they could see him through a window or something? He nodded, holding a hand up to stop them as he made his way through the door. "I need to run it over with Haggar and Sendak. I'll be back shortly." With that he left the office, walking down the corridor to the operating room once more to where Sendak had a needle in Lance's arm. Probably anesthesia to keep him under during the surgery. Thace had looked over at Haggar and approached her while he spoke. "The group wants to see Lance, would that be okay?"

 

"No, we're about to go in." Haggar answered curtly, tugging on a mask over her mouth before slipping on blue doctors gloves. 

 

"Will they be able to talk to him after the extraction?" Thace pushed, now very worried.

 

"Thace, this is a neurological extraction. Neuro means nervous system, remember? In order to get this, Lance here needs to die. You remember him when he was with us, all he wanted to do was help find a cure. That was before they abandoned us. He'd have wanted this."

 

Thace suddenly felt powerless, but he nodded as to not blow his cover and walked back to his office. Upon entering, his guilty appearance seemed to fill the room with a thick tension that could be cut with a knife. "No.. You can't go see him." He paused, but before anyone could interrupt him, Thace continued. "And I'd asked if you could talk to him after the surgery, but that will be impossible..". The group stared at Thace with despair in their eyes, waiting for him to continue.

 

"What ended up happening with Lance was the plates that normally grow within infected had been made, however, something ended up happening to the plates and they mutated, so his body now uses these as a cure to ward of any impending infections. The only way to extract a cure from him would be to cut the mutated area, which in turn ends up killing him.." Thace lowered his head as he spoke, wishing the sentries would just fucking  _leave_ so he could tell the others to go in and beat the shit out of Haggar and Sendak so they could get Lance. But at the same time, that'd be taking the worlds only hope away. "I'm so sorry.. Truly I am.. But this would be what he would have wanted to happen."

 

"You don't know  _shit_ about what he would have wanted. Don't pretend you know him." Keith had barked, gripping his blade tightly before having the barrel of a rifle pressed to the back of his head by a sentry. Thace rose a hand, glaring at the sentry. "That's enough, lower your weapon." 

 

The sentry followed orders hesitantly, and Thace looked a few members of the team in the eyes before flicking his gaze over to the sentries quickly to get a message across. They seemed to get the idea and once their weapons were lowered, Allura had pounced on the sentry closest to the door, and Coran slammed Allura's bat into his head. AT the same time, Shiro sweep kicked the second sentry, and Keith slit his throat as soon as he hit the floor.

 

Thace finally was able to say what he wanted to without blowing his cover and made his way towards the door leaving the room. "Follow me, we don't have much time before they go in. It's only Haggar and Sendak in the room, but Lance has already been put under with a high dose of anesthesia. We can't waste anymore time. You all need to go down the hall, there shouldn't be any sentries, but be wary. I'll stay here and keep watch." Thace slid a key card into Pidge's hand and nodded to the others, knowing full well this is probably suicide. "I with you the best of luck, and that you can find a new way to extract the cure."

 

With that, the team lowered their heads in respect and made their way towards the room mentioned. Keith stayed back for a few more moments, watching as Thace made his was down the opposite end of the hall to keep watch. He sighed and followed behind Shiro, and found that there were indeed sentries patrolling around the operating room. 

 

Keith looked over to Hunk and tilted his head to the room door, and the bigger man lit a smoke bomb before tossing it over to the entrance. Once it went off the whole area was covered in a layer of smoke, but the group filed through it easily and undetected into the room. Keith looked through the fog and saw Haggar waving her hands in front of her face, trying to fan out any smoke so she could go in. Sendak dropped his tool that looked like something from the dark ages and did the same, both coughing harshly. Allura dove in, grabbing Lance while Pidge and Matt took over, Pidge leaping up onto Haggar's back and choking her out, while Matt sunk a shiv into Sendak's neck. Shiro guided Matt, Pidge, and Allura out of the room, and led them to the elevator.

 

When Keith turned around though and looked forward through the closing elevator doors though, he saw Thace on the ground motionless, a pool of blood around his head and matting his blonde hair. He lowered his head, as did the others as the doors closed, and Pidge turned her face into her brothers chest, broken sobs escaping her lips as they made their way down the floors of the college. 

 

Everything was happening so fast, and in a broken blur they had somehow managed to get outside and behind the college. Shots were being fired, and they found Atlantis by the other horses. Allura lied Lance over the horses back and cut her reins with Keith's blade before guiding her forward, as the others did with their respected horses. There was a semi that looked like it was in too much of a good condition to be broken down, and they had loaded the horses into the back of the truck, along with Lance and some of the others. Shiro had jumped in the front along with Hunk, who had managed to hotwire the vehicle and get it started. Shiro instantly stepped on the gas, and the semi started moving and gaining speed. 

 

Matt gripped Pidge's hand as he tried to get into the now moving vehicle, but his grip faltered as a bullet went through his side, and his hand slipped from Pidge's as he fell onto the ground below. Pidge screamed as he tumbled, moving to jump out after him. However Keith had gripped her around the waist as she kicked and shouted, pounding her fists on his arm as she watched Matt's cheeks lift in a sad smile at her when a guard stepped over him, and the smile never left as his head knocked to the side with a blow to the head.

 

Pidge shrieked so loud her voice gave out and all she did shake violently as Keith held her tightly, tears running down his own cheeks as he watched his fallen friend disappear around the corner, along with the guards.

* * *

 

Today had been a massive roller coaster of emotions. And none of them were good. Pidge lost the last of her family right before her eyes, and now the girl sat motionless in the far corner of the semi under some crates, crying silently. Two valued members of the team had been lost, and they didn't even get a cure, or a chance to bury either body. And the whole time Lance was oblivious in a state of unintentional rest. 

 

In the end, it had taken two days to get home. The semi had ran out of gas and they had to ride the rest of the way back to the base. The lions were still there on the bright side. Lance had woken up in the semi a little bit before it had broken down, and Shiro and Keith had answered any questions he had with the full intention of being truthful, but in the end they had made one  _tiny_ lie.. 

 

_"What happened?.." Lance looked at his hands, clenching and unclenching his fists._

 

_"Well," Shiro began, pausing for a moment before sighing and continuing. "You were taken to the college and Thace checked your vitals, hence the robe. But it turns out they didn't need you. There are actually plenty like you, dozens actually. In fact there are so many they'd stopped looking for a cure."_

 

_"Oh.. So it was all for nothing.. We did this, lost Matt, and got nothing out of it.." Lance scoffed, resting his chin on his knees. "This was all fucking useless.."_

 

_"We're sorry Lance.."_

 

_"Yeah. Me too.."_

* * *

I had my knees drawn to my chest. It was crazy, I was headed to the Galra, and being jumped by Nyma and Rolo one minute, and the next I'm in the back of a semi on my way back to the base in a white robe. The others were with my, sitting outside on the grass watching the lions play a bit farther out as the run rose. I didn't know what to feel. Relieved that there were more like me, or destroyed over the fact that we lost someone because we decided to test it.. I couldn't help but feel empty though, like a piece of the story was missing. Then again, it's probably just grief..

 

The others were talking, save for Pidge who was leaning against me for comfort. I finally had someone I could relate to more now. We'd both lost everything. I slid an arm around her waist and pulled the smaller girl closer to me in a tight side hug, letting my cheek rest on the top of her head. We sat like that for a little while before curiosity got the best of me again, and while the others spoke, I decided to speak up for myself.

 

"Swear to me."

 

The others went silent, and Pidge looked up at me from her spot at my side, as did the others.

 

"What?.." Keith drew his eyebrows together in confusion, and Shiro turned his body to face me.

 

"You guys have to swear to me that what you all said about the Galra is true. That they're not looking for a cure anymore."

 

It was silent for a little while, but the others all nodded slowly, Shiro being the only one to say the answer aloud.

 

"We swear." I just looked down, the sad silence meaning nothing to me as I ran a few fingers over my bite.

 

"Okay.."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You're very welcome to scream at me in the comments. I screamed at myself for a little bit too.


	9. The fears that consume us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Entry 9
> 
> I'm just.. So upset you know?.. We wen't all that way, and I left them because I thought it'd be better to meet with the Galra instead of rummage through a hospital. I did it because I was scared we'd lose someone. But in the end it was unavoidable. We lost Matt. I think there's more to the story though, something that everyone else knows but me. There were brief seconds that I could hear people talking about me. But they were so scattered, and not really important pieces. But in the end, a puzzle is a puzzle, and if pieces are missing the picture's never complete. Only problem is I think they others are giving me the wrong pieces. Trying to force pieces of another puzzle in, and trying to fit the right puzzle pieces in the wrong areas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's FINALLY starting. Jesus fuck it only took me 37k+ words

**Fall**

 

I don't know who to believe anymore.. It's gotten to the point that all I can think of is the boy who cried wolf. They've lied to me so much that now I just don't want to believe them anymore. There're just too many questions left unanswered. A check over doesn't require I be dressed down into a medical robe. I have a scratch across my forehead too straight to be a cut from a fight. I didn't need anesthesia to be checked over, but here I was doped full of it.

 

If there were others why didn't I get to meet them? I'm not alone in this, I could have talked to some of the other immune to try and find ways to cope with the denial. Hell if there were so many immune why didn't they take blood from them and figure out what happened to make them immune? It'd be in the DNA somewhere, they can just look at cells and replicate it and make it a cure for people that aren't immune right? That's how that works? Why didn't anyone think of asking that? If they did I don't know shit about it. What if someone on the team gets bit? Do I bite them and reverse it? Does it even work that way? See? Too many questions. I could go on and on. But whenever I ask they group they're all tight lipped about it.

 

It's been five weeks since we got back from the university. Five weeks since we lost Matt. It feels like it's been years. But no matter how much I complain about being confused, I'm not the one most impacted in the slightest. Not by a long shot.

 

Pidge sat in front of me between my legs, her back pressed against my chest as I leaned against the tree behind me. Her knees were pulled to her chest tightly, like she was trying to keep herself from falling apart. She hasn't talked since before I woke up. In fact the last words I heard from her were "Don't do this". My chest tightens when I think of that. Thinking about things like that always hit too close to home. My last words to my dad weren't my best.. I told him I hated him when all he was doing was trying to keep me safe. I was about to transfer to America, and he was worried something would happen and tried to cancel everything last minute. I'd looked him dead in the eyes and said I hated him and slammed the door on my way out. Then the day I was supposed to go back and see him to make up, this all happens.

 

My last words to Matt were of me saying I don't need him. Granted it was indirect, and more to the entire team. But that's the last he heard of me.

 

And now I can never go back and fix it.

 

It makes me wonder what Pidge's last words to her family were. If she regrets them in any way. I would have asked, but there's a time and place for everything. Now is not one of those times. Pidge was hurting worse than anyone right now and no one deserves to hurt.

 

I looked down at her smaller form in front of me, and I decided to do what I used to do for my little sisters when they were sad. My hands made their way to her scalp and I threaded my fingers through her hair. She hummed softly in acknowledgment, and I hummed back while pulling her hair back over her shoulders so I could work with it. Her hair had grown out quite a bit, and she's always fussing with it when we're scavenging.

 

"Hey.. Did you want me to cut your hair?"

 

She was quiet for a bit after I asked, save for a few hums while I kept playing with the long brown locks. But eventually she shrugged her shoulders and made the "i don't know" noise.

 

"I sharpened Keith's knife last night, so I could use that.. It'll look like the cut you had at the college."

 

Once again, it took a few moments for her to respond, but there's no way not to be patient with someone suffering. I would know, even Keith was patient with me when I found out about Cuba. And at that point, no one had patience. Everyone was getting infected so it was either run or die.

 

I felt her nod as I looked out into the fields. We'd taken the fence down in one area so the lions could come in and out as they pleased. They're just not allowed inside unless it's the snowy seasons. They're cool and all, I mean come on. They're lions. They think we're part of the pride. It's great. But they're still wild ya know? I don't want to be eaten in the middle of the night, and I doubt anyone else does.

 

Blue was rolling around on his back in the tall grass, kicking his hind legs in the air whenever Red tried to pounce on him. Yellow was copying Blue, but didn't kick Green away when she lied on top of her. When Red and Blue started roughhousing too much though, Black came towards them and chuffed disapprovingly, smacking a large paw over Red's hip to tame the aggressive lion.

 

But once again I was brought back to the task at hand. I stood up, to which Pidge groaned in disapproval, and patted her head as I walked inside of the old apartment complex. I rapped my knuckles over the wood of frame of the door as I entered. Hunk was in the kitchen that we finally got to work with a generator he and Pidge built. Once the smell of the food hit me, I walked over to him, resting an elbow on his shoulder and leaning into him. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath in through my nose, and hummed as i breathed out. Hunk and Keith wen't out hunting two days ago and managed to find a stray buck in the forest, and Hunk shot it from behind a bush. Other than me, Hunk is the only other long range shooter we have. Matt had a crossbow, but he was never very good with it. Keith gutted the buck before they brought it home.

 

"Mmm.. Smells good.." I draped my other arm around his opposite shoulder, grinning wider when he smiled back at me.

 

"Thanks man. I worry it won't taste as good as it smells though. We ran out of parsley and garlic." He flipped the steak in the pan with ease, and I felt a bit of pride well up in me. He's so good at cooking.. Like we've ran out of certain things to spice up food so it isn't just meat, but he always manages to make it taste good by just using a pan or pot or whatever. It's just a him thing I guess. Because he tried teaching me how to do it and I copied him perfectly, perfectly. But it just didn't turn out the same.

 

"You always make it work, no worries man."

 

"Hmm.. How's Pidge? She still not talking?.." Hunk lowered his voice, looking out of the window in front of the stove to watch Pidge. She sat motionless, seemingly staring at the lions as they dicked around, but really she wasn't looking at anything. I did the same thing. You're too busy in your own head to pay attention to your surroundings. Green had seen Pidge sitting down and got up off of Yellow, making her way over with a bit of pip in her step. The lion flopped onto the grass by Pidge, rolling around on her back and pawing at Pidge. She chuffed softly, licking Pidge's knee.

 

"No she's not.. She makes noises though. Like 'yes' or 'no' noises. I'm about to cut her hair." I watched as Pidge ran a gentle hand over Green's head, scratching the large lion behind her ears.

 

"Yeah?.. At least she's getting better. I just wish she'd feel better faster ya know?.. When one person's sad, we all are. It's contagious." Hunk slid the steak out of the pan and onto a plate before laying out a new raw piece onto the pan.

 

"Slow and steady.. It's not easy man, you know that." The sizzling of the meat filled the silence that followed, and Hunk and I both just watched Pidge and Green.

 

"I know, I know. It just sucks.." Hunk looked down the pan of food, poking and prodding it with metal tongs. 

 

"That's the understatement of the year." I sighed and stood up straight, patting Hunks back and leaning against the counter next to the stove. "Have you seen Keith? I need his knife to cut Pidge's hair."

 

"Uh, yeah I think he's in his room. If not you might want to ask Shiro, he's out in the field." Hunk nodded towards the stairs leading to Keith's room.

 

"Thanks bud. I'll talk to you later." With a grunt, I pushed myself away from the counter and towards the stairs. On my way up I heard Keith mumbling to himself. Something about the lions? I entered the room with a soft knock, letting the door glide open slowly as I walked in. 

 

Keith's head shot up when he heard the knock, a brief moment of fear running through his eyes at being seen. He was sitting on our bed in his boxers, holding a wet rag over his bare thigh. There was an obvious scratch from one of the lions over the skin there, and I closed the door behind me. "It's just me.. What happened?"

 

You could practically feel the eye roll as I stepped closer to him, kneeling down in front of Keith an taking the rag to work on the wound myself. "I went out to give the lions the remains of the buck and Red got a bit too grabby."

 

"Mmm.. Yeah Red's a bit..  _Excitable._ " I smiled at Keith's scoff above me, and I dabbed at any blood pricking the skin. "Well it's not deep, so it won't need stitches. Did you want me to get gauze?"

 

"No, it's not that bad. Just stings. I put alcohol on it in case Red had anything in his claws so it didn't get infected." Keith flopped backwards onto the bed, arms above his head as I lightly gripped his calf. 

 

I nod and lean over to the bed side table, opening the drawer and grabbing the roll of gauze we had there before I began carefully wrapping it around the scratches. "That's good. Look at you taking the initiative. Shiro's rubbing off on you." 

 

I got a light kick to the ribs at the comment, to which I just chuckled and kissed the inside of Keith's knee as I kept wrapping. "What!? It's true!"

 

"Don't bring him into this when you're down there." 

 

" _Wooooow._ Because me cleaning your tiny ass thigh scratch is  _soooo_ naughty. Damn, it's getting hot in here. With me grabbing your leg 'n shit. Like fuck babe, I feel like coming onto you right now." I finish wrapping his wound and climb onto the bed, straddling Keith's hips and peppering his face in soft kisses. His laugh brings me life, it's so much higher than you'd expect it to be. Especially from someone who seemed so dark and brooding. 

 

"Come on Lance, get of!" He shoves me off of him and I lay on my side next to him, gripping his hand. I run my thumb over his knuckles, pressing a kiss just below Keith's ear where I whisper between kisses. 

 

"I love you."

 

He mumbled out a soft "I love you too" and rolled towards me, pressing his lips to mine. I smiled into the kiss and carded my fingers through Keith's hair. It's so nice. Being this close to someone. I never would have thought I'd get this. Even before the infection broke out I never allowed myself to believe I'd fall in love. But here I am. Here  _we_ are.

 

My thoughts were interrupted when Keith pressed his hands to my chest, pushing me away from the kiss. Something was wrong, he looked upset. His eyes were downcast and he was suddenly holding his breath. Thinking, he was thinking. His nose was scrunched up in just the right way, I know that look. It's normally adorable, and he'd scratch his ear right about now if he wasn't worried. 

 

"Keith?.. Are you okay?.." My eyes search what little of his I can see, and he shakes his head, closing his eyes.

 

"Lance I.. There's something I need to say.. You're not going to be happy, but-"

 

A knock on the door shocked us both out of the sudden serious moment, and I turned my head. "Who is it?"

 

"It's just Shiro."

 

Keith sighs and the conversation we were supposed to have is lost. The mood is now very heavy, and a new weight is dawned on my shoulders. What's so important? Why does Shiro showing up make the topic drop like a rock? If it were anyone else would the outcome be different? "Come in.."

 

I sat up once the door opened, and Keith followed. Shiro peeked his head in to check first, and when he saw us a smile broke out onto his face, teeth still a brilliant white. "Hey Lance, Hunk sent me up here to make sure you were getting the knife?"

 

"Oh! Fuck right! Keith can I borrow your knife? I was going to cut Pidge's hair." I turn bodily towards Keith, who nodded solemnly and handed over his blade. I smiled and moved Keith's hair to kiss his forehead before I stood up from the bed and headed out of the door, moving around Shiro. "Thanks for reminding me. I'll be back soon, Keith!"

 

With that I headed downstairs in a hurry, running out back into the tall grass out to Pidge. I  _knew_ I was forgetting something. But now All I could do was worry as I flopped back down behind Pidge. Keith looked so  _worried.._ I'd just need to talk to him about it later. It doesn't seem like something that should be ignored. 

 

"Hey, sorry I got distracted." I placed my legs around her, pulling her hair back over her shoulders. Green sat next to us, lying with her head on her paws.

 

Pidge just shrugged and I rubbed her back softly. Physical support was all I could really give at the moment. Talking about the situation just makes it worse, and she doesn't deserve that. She'll talk when she's ready. I took the knife and gripped her hair and pulled it so the strands weren't loose. Not hard enough to cause pain, just enough to make sure there'll be resistance.

 

I ran the sharp end of the blade down against her brown locks, cutting the hair downwards in layers to get the length off. I did this for a good five minutes, and I kept holding the blade out in front of Pidge and I so I could see her from the front without having to get up. I'm lazy alright? I don't want to tick off a lion.

 

It took a while, but I managed to cut it the right way. She had her little cowlicks on both sides of her head, and there was a  _lot_ of hair in my lap. I leaned against her back and held the flat of the knife out in front of her so she could use it as a mirror. "Better?"

 

She nodded and leaned back against me, and I saw a smile break out onto her face through the reflection. I smiled right back, pecking her cheek and pulling her back as I fell back into the grass while hugging her tight. She giggled in my arms, turning around and hugging me right back.

 

"You're doing so well, Pidgey.. I'm so proud of you.." I lace my fingers through the hair on the back of her ahead, holding her close as I spoke.

 

"Thank you.."

* * *

 

Zarkon stood with his arms crossed, eyes alight with unkempt anger as he stared down at the three people before him. "It's been five  _weeks._ I demanded Lance found within  _one._ So where  _is he!?_ "

 

Ulaz looked down in his knelt down position, eyes locked to the floor as Zarkon's voice boomed around the room. "We're doing our best, sir. None of my scouts have come back yet with knowledge. The Balmerans may have information though, they're in the general area we believe Lance and the others are."

 

Nyma and Rolo also kept their eyes to the ground, paying close mind to the detail of the moss growing over the old wood. Beezer had lied down when Zarkon turned away, grabbing a belt with multiple inhalers, optichambers, and masks. "Good. Send out a group to follow me to them."

 

"I'll send out a troop at dawn. Nyma and Rolo will go with you." Ulaz stood when Zarkon turned, worry growing when Zarkon grabbed the belt. Nyma and Rolo stood as well, agreeing with Ulaz before Zarkon snapped back at them over his shoulder.

 

"No, they can stay behind. Just you and the troop, Ulaz. They've already let the group escape once, I refuse to let it happen again." 

* * *

Shiro waited for Lance to get to the bottom of the stairs before closing the door. He turned towards Keith with a stern look on his face. "You were about to tell him weren't you?"

 

Keith stared hopelessly at Shiro, hands gripping the sheets by his thighs. "Shiro, we can't keep something so  _big_ from him. That's all he wanted-"

 

"I don't care Keith. You know he'd let himself die to get the cure, you fucking  _know it,_ Keith." Shiro squared his shoulders, tilting his head down slightly while locking eyes with Keith.

 

"Well you can't just go and get all pissed off at me for wanting to tell him the damn truth! He deserves to know so he can make his own fucking choice. He lost his family to this, we all lost people! You're making us all keep this huge secret from him and it's something that could change his life! He needs to find out soon, because the longer we keep it from him, the more it'll hurt when he  _will_ eventually find out. It's too big to keep quiet about forever. He'll find out." Keith ground out, looking down at the gauze covering his leg. Shiro just didn't get it. If it's something Lance wants, he should be able to have it. Granted it'll hurt everyone immensely if he does end up giving his life for a cure, but his sacrifice wouldn't be in vain. 

 

Shiro sighed and walked over to the bed, sitting down next to Keith and resting his head in his palms. "I'm not mad at you. I'm just worried. We lost Matt and Thace already because of this cure bullshit. I can't lose him too.. You, him, and the others are all we have left. I just want him to live to be a little older so he can fully understand the weight of it. Right now, we're all still too young to think about something like that just yet. He's what? Twenty three? Twenty four now? That's not old enough to go killing yourself."

 

Keith leaned against Shiro, head lolling against the others shoulders. "I know.. But I still don't want him to feel like he's being lied to just because we can, you know what I mean?.. Like he won't give us time to explain everything."

 

"I'm sure he'll understand when we tell him. Just, now isn't that time. Let's give it a little longer, okay?" Shiro wrapped an arm around Keith's waist, pulling the other closer.

 

"Yeah.. Yeah, alright.." Keith leaned into the touch, pressing his forehead into Shiro's neck softly. "How  _are_ you holding up about losing Matt? I know you two were pretty tight knit."

 

"Mhmm.. He was like a brother to me, you know? We studied the same stuff, wanted to go into the same field of work. We were dorm mates in the college. It was great.. I just wish I could go back and say everything I wanted to. Like how much he means to me." Shiro looked down, rubbing his free hand over his face. "There's just so fucking much, Keith.."

 

"I know.. I'm really sorry, Shiro.." Keith copied Shiro, running his hand over Shiro's back.

 

"I am too.." It was quiet for a little while after that, and they just found comfort in each other. However, when Keith did speak, his voice dropped down to a deep whisper. "You know Lance likes you right?.."

 

Shiro smiled, running his hand over Keith's back. "Well I'd hope he likes me, we're kind of in the same group."

 

Keith just shook his head against Shiro's neck slowly, pulling away to look Shiro in the eyes. "No Shiro. I mean he likes you-likes you." Shiro froze. He'd initially thought that the first time Keith said it, but brushed it off quickly. Keith and Lance were together.  _Are_ together. That's not someone in a relationship says. How do you respond to that? Apparently that answer came to him pretty quickly, because Keith kept talking. "And I like you too..

 

"Lance and I talked about it a week ago, don't ask how our conversation got there because frankly I don't remember. So he knows I like you, and I know he likes you. And now I guess I'm just asking if you like either, or both, of us back.." Keith paused for a second, and the way his voice dropped then felt more than a little foreign. But he spoke up when Shiro remained silent, feigning irritation. "Okay look, I  _know_ it's not the best time to bring something like this up. I'm more than aware of that. But one; it's the apocalypse. There's never a good time for heartfelt shit, you're too busy trying not to die. And two; I'm really bad at this. I know,  _shocker._ Lance was the one that asked me first, this is new territory for me. He's the romantic, not me."

 

Shiro was stuck. Paralyzed. Not in fear, just confusion. Was this a swing? Were they swingers? Or was this a polyamory? Keith was rambling now, and it was probably smart not to just sit here like a deer in headlights. "Um.. I-"

 

"You don't have to answer now, we'll give you time to think." Keith interrupted him, still keeping strong eye contact despite the many attempts to break it from Shiro's end. 

 

"No I'm just.. Confused. Is this a swing or a polyamory?" Shiro's brows furrowed and he removed his hand from Keith's back.

 

"We were thinking a poly. Hell Lance was the one to suggest it, but we still need to know if you're on board or not." Keith tilted his head, raising his eyebrows while waiting for a response. "We'll need to tell Lance the details though. That I talked to you and you ether agreed, disagreed, or are thinking."

 

"I mean.. Yes, I like you both back. I'd love to try this out. But how would this work? Am I an add on or?.."

 

Keith shook his head, a smile making the corner of his eyes wrinkle. It's still be a relationship, but you're there. You're not an "add on". Technically, yes, but that's not how we said we wanted it. It'll still be a relationship, but you'll be there with us. We'll be there with you."

 

"So like a legitimate romantic relationship?" Shiro inquired, leaning forward on his elbows. Keith nodded calmly, running a hand through his hair to get it out of his face.

 

"Yes, exactly. So..?" Keith raised his eyebrows, lowering his head slightly. Shiro looked to be thinking, like the kind of thinking you do in the middle of a game of chess. But he'd finally found how he could make his next move.

 

"Yeah, I'd like that.. I'd really like that a lot.." Shiro smiled wide in return to Keith's own beaming grin. He looked so happy, more so than he's seemed in a while. This must be something only Lance has seen in Keith for a while. "Did you want to go get Lance to talk to him about it?"

 

"No, he's with Pidge. Give him some time with her for a bit. It's almost dawn, so we can tell him when he brings her in to sleep.." Keith bit his lip, looking down for a second before looking back up at Shiro, eyes pleading. "I'm going to kiss you."

 

Shiro was on it in a second, wrapping both arms around Keith's waist and pulling the other onto his lap. Hesitation was gone, there was no more tension or worry. Just them. Keith straddled Shiro's thighs easily, and he threaded his fingers through Shiro's short hair, pulling him in. 

 

There was a brief moment where their eyes met, and Keith watched Shiro's eyes dip down to his lips. Then they were together, lips meeting softly. A gentle push and pull. Shiro's hands were on Keith's hips, and when they pulled away from the gentle kiss, they were back into it in an instant, this time more forceful. They didn't want to pull away. 

 

It just felt too right in this world filled with wrong doers.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter ended up being a bit shorter than I'd wanted, but hopefully the next chapter could make up for it. I hope you enjoyed! It's finally happening lol, sorry it took so long.
> 
> Edit: Okay so! I figured now was a good time to tell you guys I broke my wrist the day after i posted this chapter!! And the story is NOT abandoned, ive been typing with one hand for two weeks, but i promise I'll be posting chapter ten soon. I'm so sorry for the wait!!


	10. Walking the path of the brave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Entry 10
> 
> Alright, so now I know something's going on. Keith looked fucking torn man, like he wanted to tell me something HUGE. I don't know, but I need to find out what he was going to say soon or he's never going to bring it up again.

Pidge had fallen asleep outside, and instead of taking her inside like I  _probably_ should, I stayed out with her. It's been ages since she's actually gotten good sleep since Matt's passing, and I'm not going to potentially ruin that by picking her up. Blue was laying next to me, his head resting on the root of the tree I was leaning against. I closed my eyes, humming softly as I ran a hand through the lions mane. I kept letting my mind wander, willing myself to think about anything else. But it always made it's way back to one sole thought. 

 

The team had to be lying to me.

 

I mean, I know it's illogical to think like that. They'd never lie to me. Not over something this important. They know the cure means everything to me. What if one of them gets infected? How do we help them? I know Shiro said there were actually a lot of immune, but I really don't want to test this on the team. Shiro might be immune, he recovered from being sick, but we never got a chance to see if the bite healed. Keith kinda took care of that really fucking fast. Damn it, come on Lance they wouldn't lie to you over something so big. They all want a cure just as much as you.

 

Blue shifted next to me and stood, walking a few steps forward to lay back down with his head on my knee. He looked up at me with sad eyes, as if knowing the turmoil I was in. Sometimes, I feel like he can read my mind. With a gentle smile I ran my fingers through his mane and scratched behind his ear, relishing in his purr. Hey, at least someone was happy tonight. "I don't know, Blue.. I feel like the whole trip was a waste.. And it was all my fault too. If I hadn't gone and got that stupid fucking hat I wouldn't have gotten bitten, and we never would have found out I was immune. I wouldn't have gotten excited and we wouldn't have left camp and lost Matt for nothing."

 

Once again, it was like Blue understood me, and he growled disapprovingly while pawing at my side. Reassurance in any form is nice, even if it just came from a lion. But hey, this is probably the best of the bunch. Black's got nothing on him. Big mane aside he's just a 500 pound kitty. Blue kicks ass at everything. Hell he's better t telling me I'm okay than most of the humans in my group. You know, that actually  _can_ understand me. For sure at least, I can't tell if he knows English. Dude that'd be so cool, a talking lion. Blue'd be renamed Aslan, like that lion from Narnia? I think that was his name.

 

As I was lost in these absurd thoughts, I barely noticed the footsteps behind me. It wasn't until someone flopped down beside me that i had any idea they were near me. I jumped slightly in surprise, but relaxed quickly after seeing a familiar face. Hunk had crossed his legs when he sat down, and he leaned forward to run a hand through Blues mane. Other than that, we stayed quiet for a while, just enjoying each others presence. It wasn't until Pidge repositioned herself in her sleep did Hunk speak up softly.

 

"Hey," he began, brown eyes still locked to the horizon. "how're you doin'?.. I know I asked earlier, but you've been really distant with everyone since we all got back from the university. You've been mopey, too. Ignoring Keith too even.. Is there anything you want to talk about?.."

 

I kept quiet. I knew I was supposed to answer, but I just couldn't do it. How could I ever think they would lie to me? That  _Hunk_ would lie to me? It's selfish to think like that, I can't keep pushing my problems onto other people just because I'm too weak to handle them.

 

Hunk though, the beautiful bastard, didn't to seem to expect me to talk. He continued for me, obviously giving me time to piece my own response together. Honestly, I don't know what I'd do without him.

 

"You know I genuinely worry about you right? Not just because you're struggling right now, or because you're immune. You're still Lance to me. That little gapped toothed boy from Veradero Cuba?" He paused to chuckle before continuing, a bright smile on his face. "You had the weirdest blonde hair when I met you on that trip. All patchy in areas with dark brown in others."

 

I couldn't hold back the snort if my life was on the line, and I leaned into Hunk, making sure to keep Pidge comfortable and not disrupt her sleep. 

 

Hunk had met me on a vacation with his family. I was working in the shop with my dad and a few days earlier my older brother Aj bleached my hair in my sleep. You know, back when I slept like a rock. It turned out horrible, with patched of dirty blonde and dark brown everywhere else. 

 

"Yeah," I looked up at the clouds, smile wide to morrow Hunk's own. "I had to dye it back to the normal color all the time until the hair grew out enough to cut it. Worst time of my life."

 

"Oh you were fine, drama queen. Your hair grows out like fucking lightning. It was what? Two months before you got it all to grow out?" Hunk and I chuckled before he cleared his throat, looking at me seriously. Okay, back to the original question. "You never answered me though.. What's going on, man?.."

 

I knew I wouldn't get out of this without saying something, and I slouched against him, sighing deep and heavy. "I.. I don't know man.. I'm just conflicted about a lot of things." That's a pretty light way of putting it, but it gets the main point across. I  _am_ conflicted! Just, I'm being vague about why.

 

"Yeah?.. Is this because of the trip to the university?.." Hunk was always so right about everything, sometimes I feel like I don't even need to speak, he just  _knows._ I'm glad I have a friend like that.

 

"I mean.. It's not that I don't trust you guys, I trust you all with my life, but everything Shiro and Keith said just like.. They don't work? Their story doesn't fit in to what happened to me." I let my head fall back against Hunks shoulder as I speak, picking at my fingernails out of nervous habit. "If it was just a check up, why'd they put me on anesthesia? Everytime you get put under by that shit, there's a chance you don't wake up. Small, but still there you know?.. Why do that for a simple look over? I was in hospital robes, and I had little holes in my arms from IV's. If that's not enough to say I was being prepped for surgery, then the cut on my temple makes it a proven. It was too straight to be a nick from an injury, so they were  _trying_ to get in. It all just pieces together but I'm being told something entirely different.. I don't know whether to believe myself, or you guys.. I hate to say it but I know the team's lied to me before, just like I've lied to the team. Everyone lies sometimes, but something like this? A cure?.. You wouldn't lie about something so big.. Would you?"

 

As I spoke, Hunks face had fallen, and he had began fidgeting with his shirt. When I look back at him, he has his bottom lip between his teeth, eyes flicking around looking everywhere but me. "Uh.. Lance?.. How about I take Pidge inside, and you go out hunting with Keith. I need to tell you something relating this, but you might not like it.. We have to wait for the others to be sleeping so I can tell you." 

 

I froze for a few moments, lost in Hunk's words.  _You might not like it._ Of course I won't like it. If he can't tell me around the others then it's something he's not supposed to say. But I don't pry, I'll find out later.

 

I know it's not just me struggling here, Hunk looked genuinely torn while I spoke. So hunting will be good for both of us. I'll be able to take time to breathe, and Hunk will be able to collect himself.

 

"Alright.. Thanks for being there though, it means a lot. I'm glad I have a friend like you." Hunk flushed lightly, smiling back at me when I beamed at him. I shifted out from under Pidge carefully, letting Hunk take her into his arms as we stood. Blue protested with a soft chuff and a headbutt to my leg, but with a soft Pat to his head he seemed to forgive me. Green followed Blue as he walked away, pouncing on him from behind.

 

I walked by Hunk towards the complex in an uncomfortable silence. We were both scared in a way. He was scared to tell me, and I was scared to find out what it was. It couldn't be that bad right?  _Hey so, there actually aren't that many other immune. We kind of over exaggerated, there's only like, three._

 

That wouldn't be too bad! Maybe a little disappointing. Worrying too, because immunity wouldn't be so common. The team would be in danger. 

 

 _They're still looking for a cure._ That could be good and bad I guess. I'll be available for the cure, so there's still hope! But the team would have lied over something major.

 

But I guess the worst case scenario is that I'm not a cure at all. Like I can't even help get it. What happened was just an accident and if I'm bit again, I'd be turned for good.

 

Once inside, Hunk looked at me like he wanted to say something important. Mouth slightly open and brows knit together. But he just looked down with Pidge in his arms and brought her up the stairs to her bedroom. I looked after him solemnly before following him up the stairs and stopping in front of my room. 

 

There were soft voices coming from behind the door. For a moment, I had to really focus on the voices to figure out who it was. But after piecing things together I figured it was Keith and Shiro. 

 

Maybe they're talking about the university too? It's been on everyone's minds after all, it's not that far fetched. Should I go in? What if it's something personal for them? Keith's ears only? They're really close like that, it makes sense too. Damn it I've spent so long feeling sorry for myself that I've never really paid attention to the fact that Shiro might be hurting too. He lost his best friend. The conversation  _does_ sound important. It's hushed whispers and long pauses. 

 

Maybe he needs reassurance. I'm good at that! If I can't think of what to say, I'm damn great at bullshitting. 

 

I reach for the handle and turn it slowly, cracking the door slightly and raping my knuckles on the frame while I walk in so I didn't frighten them. "Hello, hello~" I poked my head in through the crack, glancing over at the two on the bed. Coast clear, no one was crying. They actually looked kind of happy. That's a good sign. I grinned wide and walked in when they looked over at me, eyes bright when I shut the door behind me. "You two busy?.. Hunk said Keith and I should go hunting, do you mind if I steal him from you?"

 

"Actually," Shiro started, scratching his stubble while locking eyes with me. "can that wait a minute? We were hoping to talk to you about something."

 

They look so excited, Keith's practically vibrating where he's sitting next to Shiro. But Hunk's telling me something important too, and I can't wait too long. He might get scared and end up not telling me anything. So begrudgingly, I shake my head, chewing on the inside of my cheek. "No it really can't.. But hunting shouldn't take too long, we'll just be headed towards the Balmeran site. Deer are popping up over there right around now, and if all else fails we can just trade with them for some food. They're really chill about that." 

 

Keith's face fell at this, eyes lowering for a moment before he shrugged halfheartedly. He stood, glancing over his shoulder at Shiro and offering a hand to him. "No one ever said we couldn't bring Shiro too, right? Maybe we can talk along the way."

 

That wasn't a bad idea, two birds with one stone. "Yeah, lets do it." I threw a glance at Shiro, smiling and once checking that the safety was on, I tossed him one of my pistols. He caught the weapon clumsily, fumbling with it before he actually got a grip. "You'll need that. Deer aren't close range. And neither are infected if you can help it."

 

"I'm pretty sure I know that." With a roll of his eyes, Shiro half smiled and checked the pistol, making sure he had a full barrel before he rose his eyebrows inquisitively. "Wouldn't this be too loud? there's no suppressor on this."

 

"Yeah, sorry to say man, but you haven't had a lot of experience hunting. You'll be Keith and I's lookout for infected or hunters." I nudged him when his face fell before grabbing my back pack and slinging it over my shoulders. "Don't worry, I'll be sure to teach you when the herds start making their way around again." I grinned and opened the door, pulling it back all the way and holding a hand out in front of it. "Ladies~"

 

I got a light smack to the back of my head from Keith for that, but that's expected and I just laughed. What surprised me though was Shiro flicking the bill of my hat and knocking it of my head. With a grumble I bent down and picked it up, fixing it back on my head. When I went to protest, my words caught in my throat at Shiro's sly smile. My retort was forgotten and I followed after them, jogging ahead when we reached the stairs. Once I caught up to Keith I rubbed my hands together quickly before smacking Keith's ass with the flat of my hand hard enough to leave my palm stinging.

 

With a yelp he reached back and rubbed a hand over the surely reddening area before letting out an almost evil sounding chuckle. I had maybe half a second to respond before he charged, and I scrambled over my own feet as I started running. "Ooooh you're in for it now, _honey._ " Keith's eyes burned holes into the back of my head as I ran through the door and into the fields, Keith hot on my heels as Shiro lazily jogged behind us.

 

We ran for a while before Keith inevitably caught up with me. Dudes got stamina, I've learned the extents of it in many, many ways. When Keith tackled though, it was more of a fall. He draped his arms over my shoulders and flopped against my back, letting his legs drag through the tall grass. We both groaned as I dropped to my knees and fell lazily to the ground, face turned to the side so I didn't go face first into dirt. Keith's eyes were closed and his lips were parted slightly as we both caught our breath. Keith's lips then tilted up on one side in a smirk with one eye parted slightly as he raised a hand up.

 

With a resounding _smack,_ Keith brought the hand down sharp and quick onto my rear. I let loose a hybrid of a half groan of pain, and a laugh, shoving him off of me and onto the ground. He rolled back though so our shoulders were touching. I leaned my forehead into his, and I slipped my hand into his back pocket, massaging my thumb into his hip while he copied. We stayed like that for a while, that is until the wind is knocked from us when Shiro finally caught up.

 

He dropped down without care of being gentle, slamming into our bodies and draping himself carelessly over our splayed out forms. He rested his head between Keith and I's joined shoulders, eyes closed tight. He paused his rapid panting when he sucked in a deep breath before letting out a long groan that lasted just  _barely_ above a minute in length.

 

"Good job big guy.." I laughed softly and reached back to pat his forearm with my free hand, shifting to get comfortable under Shiro's bigger form. "I think we should just.. _HuuUuUUUuuhh..._ Go to the Balmerans.. I'm too lazy to hunt now.."

 

Keith raised his freehand and nodded in agreement. "I second that."

 

"Third.." Shiro rolled off of Keith and I to stand up on shaky legs, and we could finally breathe right again.

 

Keith rolled his eyes, sitting up and running a hand through his hair. "You weren't even hunting in the first place. You got the easy job."

 

"Ah, you are mistaken young Jedi. I was hunting before we could become the hunted." Shiro offered a hand to me, and I took it and stood up.

 

"You're such a fucking nerd." Keith grinned and slapped a hand to Shiro and I's backs before tilting his head towards the lights not to far ahead. "Their not far, lets get moving."

 

We began walking once more, and I slipped my hand into Keith's, lacing our fingers together. I squeezed back when he did, rubbing my thumb over his knuckles. Keith had looked over his shoulder at Shiro with an unreadable expression from my angle. I would have said something, but the sudden screams from the campsite ahead had us breaking apart and running once more, weapons at the ready as we prepared for the worst. 

 

* * *

 

Ulaz solemnly led Zarkon and the rest of the troop to the Balmeran campsite, eyes downcast when the frightened people parted at their arrival. He knew what was going to happen, this wasn't new. But that didn't mean he agreed with it.

 

"We have reason to believe that another group of people reside near here." Zarkon's voice booms, silencing any and all chatter throughout the site. "I demand to know where."

 

"What is your purpose? Why would we give up a comrades position to Galra scum?" A darker skinned male with a thick build pushed his way through the crowd followed by a girl of the same build and large hooped earrings, irritation heavy in their brown eyes.

 

"I don't have to explain my reasons to you. As for why you should, I have  _plenty_ of reasons for that. Ulaz." Ulaz held his head up high in false bravery, handing Zarkon what he knew the other wanted. 

 

Zarkon gripped the mask and pressed an inhaler marked with a dark green sticker into it, pointing to the male. The other members of the troop gripped the Balmeran, dragging him toward Zarkon with ease as he thrashed. Zarkon pressed the mask over the mans nose and mouth, using his free hand to keep the others head still.

 

"Cease this!" The female called, frightened voices joining hers. Zarkon paid no attention though, and pressed the button to the inhaler once.

 

Instantly, the male started coughing harshly, thrashing wildly in Galra's grip while he screamed. Once Zarkon was sure he'd inhaled everything that had been sprayed, he released the Balmeran and shoved him towards the crowd.

 

"Rax!" The female knelt by her brother, hands placed to his shoulders soothingly. She whipped her head towards Zarkon, eyes alight with rage and terror as Rax began convulsing, a green yellow foam forming in his mouth and spilling over. "What did you do to him!?"

 

"A few deep breaths of spores can turn a man within hours, but a single breath of this will turn one in minutes. It's pure concentrated spores without any air to dilute it." When Rax went to stand up, hands clutching his head tightly as he screamed in agony, a Galran guard rose their rifle to fire. Zarkon held up a hand, instead signalling that he be bound.

 

"If you want him to turn out alright, you'll need to answer my question. One of the members came to us recently, and we had found his brain mutated the infection, making him immune. We can extract the converted plates and make a cure replicating it. So I'll repeat the question now. Where is the other group?"

 

Before anyone could answer, Shiro, Keith, and Lance appeared around the corner of a small brick building, bound at the wrists and being dragged by more Galra escorts. "Sir, we found them approaching us from around the complex."

 

Ulaz's face flashed with horror when he saw Shiro, captured once again as Zarkon stalked towards them, eyeing Shiro and Keith. "I can't have you running your mouths anymore. You've already proven you're a nuisance to this whole operation. Ulaz, you take Shiro and I'll handle this one. You, take him to the horses." Zarkon pointed at the Galra holding Lance, and he nodded, shoving the snout of his rifle between Lance's shoulder blades.

 

Lance protested, turning around and trying to go back over to Keith and Shiro, but the Galra held his foot out in front of Lance, tripping him so he fell face first into the ground. The Balmerans watched helplessly, some watching Rax as he convulses on the ground, wrists and ankles bound so he wasn't a threat, and merely a reminder. Others watched as Zarkon pressed a the same mask that was used on Rax over Keith's nose and mouth. Keith shook his head frantically, fear in his eyes as he yelled, the sound muffled by the mask. The Galran behind him held his head still by fisting a hand tight in his black hair.

 

"No!" Lance looked up from the ground, struggling to get to his knees without the help of his hands. Keith was in danger, and there was nothing he could do about it. _"Keith!"_ Shiro was oblivious to Ulaz approaching with the same contraption, eyes showing defeat. He already knows the outcome of this. The Galra holding Shiro held onto the sides of Shiro's face turning him so he as facing Ulaz, the same terror that was in Keith's eyes filling his own. "Ulaz?.."

 

"I'm so sorry.." He uttered softly, before pressing the mask to Shiros face, looking away as he pressed the button to the inhaler, releasing the concentrated spores. Zarkon did it to Keith at the same time, both of them suddenly flailing and kicking wildly, coughing violently the same way Rax did.

 

 ** _"Stop it!!"_** Lance screamed, trying to blink away the tears flooding his eyes so he could see when he stood. But a harsh hand held him down to the ground, making it impossible to go to either of them. "Why are you  _doing_ this!?"

 

"Because they took something from me for their own selfish reasons." Zarkon and Ulaz pulled away, letting Shiro and Keith drop to the ground to writhe in agony. Their insides burned, lungs feeling like they were on fire while their heads pounded. Their heartbeats rattled their ribs, and they started seeing white behind their eyes. Keith tried calling out someones name, Shiro's, Lance's, anyone's. But nothing came out. Just screams.

 

"They didn't take  _shit_ from you!" Lance sobbed, already knowing the pain they were going through. They were turning. Neither of them are immune. He launched himself forward, breaking free of the Galrans grip so he could kneel by Shiro and Keith. Zarkon held up a hand when the Galra went to grab him, letting it happen.

 

"Oh my  _god,_ no, no no no  _no no **no!**_ This isn't- No this isn't  _happening!.._ Shiro, Keith- Fucking  _hell_ it'll be okay, I'll think of something-" Lance hunched over, tears running freely down his cheeks and dripping off his chin and nose as he sobbed openly. They didn't deserve this.  _They didn't deserve this._

"Lance-" Shiro tried to start, but was interrupted by a violent coughing fit. Keith knew where he was going though, so he took over. 

 

"H-hey we love you, okay? We- we love you-" Keith followed Shiro, eyes clenching shut as he rolled over and retched, foam pooling from his mouth. 

 

"We're so,  _so_ sorry. We lied." Shiro managed to get out, gasping heavily.

 

Lance rose his head at these,  _we love you, we're sorry, we lied._ All he could do was nod, feeling his bound hands being cut free from their ropes from a Galran but he didn't give a rats ass. His hands immediately reached for Keith's and Shiro's, clutching them tightly. "It's okay, i-it's okay I knew. I love you guys too. I knew you were lying and it's okay I forgive you. I'll help you, you'll be okay, alright? I-I  _promise."_

 

Zarkon approached him from behind, pulling Lance up by the back of his shirt and hauling him onto his feet. "They took you away knowing that you were the only immune. The only hope for a cure. And now they're infected and paying the price of taking that cure. But there's still a chance."

 

" _No,_ Lance don't-" Shiro tried sitting up, but he fell back, yelling when the pain in his head began to become too much.

 

Lance watched on helplessly, before he realized what Zarkon was getting at. He nodded in an instant of figuring it out, facing the Galra leader. "I'll do anything."

 

"Anything?" Zarkon smiled wickedly, already knowing he's won.

 

"Yes, just  _please_ make it stop.." 

 

"The only way it can stop is if you come with me." Zarkon pointed toward the horses, smirk still there. Lance knows he's falling right into the trap, it was too obvious. But Shiro and Keith were infected. An innocent Balmeran was infected. And god knows who else they used this on. But in the end, he knows the truth. The cure was in his DNA. Only his.

 

And you can't stop DNA..

 

"Fine. I only have two demands though." 

 

" _Lance please don't-"_ Keith groaned, rolling onto his side and looking on at Lance hopelessly. Of course there's a reason he lied, you know the reason already. Lance doesn't even know it yet.

 

"Hey.. We're going get through this, and then everything will be okay again.. I promise.." Shiro tried too, his breathing already becoming ragged, and voice scratchy. "Please don't  _do this._ "

 

Lance ignored their attempt to stop him, and instead focused on Zarkon. He didn't want to ignore them, they were in pain and probably needed something to get their minds off of it. But that wouldn't help if they turned. So he has to choose a path. "Yes?"

 

"Rax, Shiro, and Keith will be the first to be cured. And you'll leave the Balmerans and my team alone after that. No more fighting." Lance looked Zarkon dead in the eyes, making sure not to see a single shred of a lie. 

 

"These will be met. Now let's go." Zarkon raised a hand, signalling the Galra not watching the writhing forms on the ground to move out. With a glance over his shoulder, Lance waved at Keith and Shiro solemnly, sniffing and wiping his eyes. "I'll be back, okay? Hang on for me."

 

" **No**.." Shiro said through fits of coughing, tears running down his and Keith's cheeks. Ulaz knelt beside them when Zarkon wasn't watching, whispering quickly. 

 

"There's a small chance he'll survive the procedure. Hang onto that hope. If he survives, he'll arrive at your base with the cure. Good luck." And with that he stood up and ordered the Galra guarding Keith and Shiro to escort them south east. He knew where the base was, he's helped the team find it when they got out of a tangle with the Galra. He followed Lance and Zarkon to the horses, staring at the back of a young man who could very much be taking his final steps.

 

* * *

 

 

Lance lied on the table, dressed in the familiar white robes once more. Haggar stood over him with a mask over her face, looking over his brain scans to see the best route to go in and extract the cure. Lance looked down at his hands, the only thoughts on his mind that of the team, and if he would be okay. He glanced up at Haggar when she readied the anesthesia. "Hey um.. Will.. Am I going to die? Will this kill me?.."

 

"It's very likely that you won't wake up, I'm going directly into your brain and removing a vital part of it. But you'll be the reason the human race survives. The world will return to normal thanks to you. This is quite the honor you have." And with that, Haggar wasted no time in sticking the IV in his arm, making him feel the dizziness instantly. 

 

He blinked his eyes a few times, a few stray tears running down his cheeks before he held them closed. After all of this, his only regrets are not being able to say goodbye properly. Hunk will be waiting back at the base wondering where Lance is. Wanting to tell him something he found out in a lot worse of a way that he would have liked. Pidge will have lost another brother. Keith will have lost his lover, and Shiro lost something he almost had. If he'd stayed and talked like they suggested, none of this could be happening. Allura and Coran will have lost a dear friend. The team will have lost a very valuable member once again. 

 

But there was still hope, even as Lance slowly let himself fall victim to the warmth flooding him. Hope that he'd wake up alright. That he'd deliver the cure with a bright smile. Watch as the world started to fix itself as the cure was distributed. Maybe some of his family survived, he'd be able to see them again. cities will be fixed and infected will be no more. 

 

That'd be a wonderful world to live in again. But while Lance thought of these as he went under into the warm darkness, his dreams of a better life, that last ditch effort to cling to a final need. They vanished when a flat line drew through the dreams of a hopeful spirit. A young boy just wishing for the best has finally met an end he's wished he'd had once before, but came when all he wanted was to live. His last thoughts being of hope to be with his team once more in a better world. But alas, though a body passed, a mind lived for a few moments longer, letting the need of a better life be the last thought in a hopeful mind..

 

A body may have died..

 

But hope dies last.

 

* * *

 

 

Keith and Shiro broke through their hazy mindset almost instantly, hunger forgotten while they looked around dumbfounded. What happened?

 

A Galran escort stood before them all, carrying a backpack that seemed to be filled to the brim with something. Shiro and Keith sat in confusion for a few more moments before Ulaz's words rang through their mind, and they looked at each other with a painful disbelief. 

 

_There's a chance he'll survive the procedure._

 

_If he survives, he'll arrive at your base with the cure._

 

Lance wasn't here, instead a Galra bowed his head at the team as they surrounded Shiro and Keith before leaving hurriedly to spread the cure. They were better, but at the moment it was impossible to be happy. They looked at Shiro and Keith expectantly. Did they not know?

 

"Where's Lance?.." Hunk asked softly, playing with the hem of his shirt. He looked like he already knew, but was just too afraid to admit it without solid evidence.

 

"Will he be okay?" Pidge had watery eyes, they were already red and puffy, meaning she's be crying for a while. Denial.

 

Shiro and Keith shared a look, both of them weighed down with being the bearers of bad news. Shiro just looked down, finally unable to be brave enough to break such heavy news. So all eyes were on Keith. Coran's hands were shaking violently, and Allura looked ready to bawl, just like Pidge and Hunk. Keith took a deep breath before looking up at them from his spot on the floor, his own resolve breaking as well as Shiro's as tears streamed down their cheeks.

 

"He didn't make it.."

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm such a bad person..
> 
> You guys, I'm so sorry this chapter has taken so long. I broke my wrist the day after I posted chapter 9 and I've been typing with my non-dominant hand this whole time. Thank you for sticking with it this far though! Your comments encouraged me a ton! I loved writing this, and I'd love to hear your opinion on the end! Again, thank you, immensely.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! I'll be updating pretty often, a schedule might be made for what days ill be posting out of the week, but as of now it'll just be occasional pop-ins. 
> 
> Find me on [Tumblr](http://shiros-snapchat.tumblr.com/) and we can scream about voltron together
> 
> It's my first fic so I'm trying my best to please!  
> As always feel free to comment and point anything out that needs fixing!


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